SwirlGirlsRamblings

"Being Proud Of......"

2012-01-20T11:27:00.000-08:00

Words are funny. Some words mean different things to different people. Personally, I think the expression “I am proud of….” is overused. I am going to make some statements in this blog that may remind you of yourself. Don’t worry; I am not talking about you. I think I am talking about everyone, and I recognize that I am the odd man out on this issue.

I like words. I am a bit of geek about words. When my kids ask me what a certain word means, I tell them to look it up. I know the meaning, but I want them to read the meaning. Each word has its own nuance. I still look up words all of the time. The dictionary app is one of my favorites! I looked up the word “proud” in the dictionary. It did not help me clear this matter up in my head. The definition in the terms that I am referring to the word is : "feeling or showing pride as much pleased." Hmm..that definition might give me reason to pause. However, I will not pause….I still think the phrase is over used. Here are my thoughts:

Every day I see posts on Facebook with sentiments similar to the following:

“I am so proud of Tallelulah, she scored 3 baskets in her basketball game”
“Little Mikey scored 2 goals today in soccer, I am so proud of him.”
“Annabelle won 1st place at the talent show, I am so proud.”

Now that is where you might recognize yourself. Remember, you are normal, I am not. I am not judging anyone who has made these statements, I am simply telling you how I feel about “being proud of…”

I may be a horrible parent, but when my child scores a basket, gets a good grade or wins any type of prize, I do not feel proud of them. I feel happy for them. I am not proud of their achievements—I am happy for their achievements. I realize this is a subtle difference.

I’m not saying I could never be proud of an achievement. It will just take extra effort. I have a daughter who swims. Let’s say she was determined to take 4 seconds off of her 200 free. If she achieved this goal by attending double practices, asking for extra coaching on her starts and turns and watching swim instruction videos, I would be proud then. Wait, maybe not. Actually, I would not be proud of her time. I’d be happy for her time. I would be proud that she worked so hard to achieve a goal. Do you see the difference in my eyes?

I feel the same way about grades. There are some kids who naturally do well at school; yes they put in effort, but not crazy effort. Just like some athletes, they are gifted. So, if my daughter brings home good grades on a regular basis, I am happy for the grades. I am not proud of the grades. However, if she is struggling in a particular class or classes and takes extra initiative to increase her grade, then I would be proud of that effort.

One of my daughters’ enrolled in gymnastics as a young child. She was the only kid in the class that could not do a summersault. She was also the oldest child in the class. Her inability to tumble over deeply frustrated her. Finally, one day, during class she did it. I was so happy, my eyes swelled with tears. Upon reflection of that event, I was overjoyed for her. However, I don’t think I was proud of her for the achievement. For me, if she never learned how to summersault, it would not change who she is as a person. I am more concerned about her character than her achievements.

I am not a horrible mother. I am proud of my children. My pride simply has nothing to do with their achievements. My pride relates to their behavior and actions. If someone told me that my daughter stuck up for a friend that was being bullied, I would be proud of that. If an adult complimented my daughter on her work ethic during a project, I would be proud of that. If someone says my daughter is one of the nicest and most polite people they know—that would make me proud. I have felt this type of “pride” for my children many times.

So, this is distinction I make in mind. I do not know where it stems from or why I feel this way. Perhaps, I want them to understand when I am really proud vs. when I am simply happy or overjoyed.

Working Parents vs. Stay at Home Parents-- MYOB!

2012-01-11T08:34:00.000-08:00

The topic on Anderson today is who has it harder--working parents or stay at home parents? Why do we debate this question all of the time? I believe the answer depends on the person. I do not think there is a clear cut answer to this question. What I dislike most about this question is: why are we always trying to prove we have it harder than the person standing next to us? We are all individuals with different capacities for working, nurturing, balancing, etc. We should simply be supporting each other.

I have my opinion on the subject that relates ONLY to me. I have been both a working parent and a stay at home parent. I worked full-time until my kids were in the middle of third grade. I know what the answer is for me. For me, staying at home is easier. Why? I found that juggling both worlds created a third element to deal with as a working mom. The juggling was worse than the working or the parenting as stand-alone “occupations”. I think everyone’s situation is different.

My husband and I both worked in Corporate America and we did not have “punch the clock” hours. There were many days we would call each other at 5pm to negotiate who could actually get home to relieve our day care provider. Whose workload or meeting trumped the other’s? We both travelled occasionally for work. Often, my travel involved travelling over the weekend. I never enjoyed missing my weekends at home. We were able to manage a rule we established—we could not be away at the same time.

I feel like I did a great job of balancing both worlds. I carefully managed my calendar so that I could be involved in my daughters’ school lives too. I was their Girl Scout leader. I blocked out my calendar and left early on the days of Girl Scout meetings. Of course, there were a few times that something came up and I would miss a Girl Scout meeting, but for the most part—I was at those meetings. I also volunteered in their classrooms. I was even a room mom one year while I was a full-time working mom. I hear some moms say how they cannot do this—and I do believe with some jobs this is true. However, for me, being involved was a priority for me. I used vacation days or ½ vacation days to volunteer for field trips or classroom parties, etc. For me, it was worth using vacation days to participate in their school activities.

I remember one day that I planned a day off to attend a presentation at the kids ‘school, an important meeting was rescheduled to this day. It was a meeting with one of my internal clients who was the Head of Pharmacy for our company, so he was a direct report to the President. These were the meetings that I usually let trump my volunteer activities. However, for some reason this time I just said I was not available. I believe the kids were going to be reading poems that had written. I felt the overwhelming guilt of “neglecting” my work responsibilities and was not sure I did the “right” thing. Well, when I saw my kids reciting their poems, a weight was lifted off my shoulder. I absolutely did the right thing. The big picture is an important one to keep your eye on. Seriously, a simple email updated me on what I missed at the meeting. I think we all overthink the “present” details without considering the greater perspective.

Even though I feel like I did a decent job of balancing both worlds, it was still a struggle. I noticed I was becoming snappier with the kids. It was hard to turn off a busy day at work, come home into the frenzy of cooking dinner, helping with homework and carpooling to all the activities.

We all have our priorities. My last priority in my life was keeping a clean house. Children, work and fun with family and friends all came ahead of cleaning. I also took vacation days from work to clean my house. I did not want to waste my weekend time with my family to clean. I finally started to realize I didn’t really want to be at work anymore. Fortunately, it came at time where there was a lot of change happening in my department—change I was not thrilled with. I secretly hoped to get laid off (actually, not so secretly) but I was assured that was not going to happen. My position was not suited for part-time, so I knew I had a big decision to make.

My husband and I discussed it and decided to bite the bullet. What I love most about our discussions it was all about quality of life vs. financial stability. I remember one of my former bosses and friend asked “did you do the math? Do you know you can live on one salary?” I earned a decent salary, and she knew that. So, taking that dollar amount away from the equation would have an impact. So, when she asked if we did the math, she was shocked when I said “no.” I am so glad we did not do the math. I think if you do the math on life decisions, you will never follow your gut or your heart. Of course the math is not going to work out. However, if you put yourself in a situation—you fight hard to make it work. We were fortunate that we were able to live on one salary.

The joke was I was quitting my job to clean my house. When I told my husband about the “math” question, he laughed and said “Yes, I did. My math is there will be less shoes in the foyer and papers on the dining room table.” (Ha, ha was he fooled!)

I will never forget my first summer as a stay at home mom. It was the best summer of my life. Hanging out with my children all summer was a true gift. We spent almost every day at the ‘town” pool. I decided that summer, if I was ever President I would make sure every American could take one summer off without any penalties.

I often wondered if I would become one of those parents in the commercials who rejoiced when school was back in session in September. I did not. Even after all of these years, I still dislike when summer comes to an end.

The one thing I struggled with the most as a stay at home mom was managing my time. I think we are all better at managing time when we have less time to manage. The first three months were very tough. I did not know what to do with myself, where to start on any project. It took some time to get into my groove. I still struggle with time management. Let’s face it. There is no excuse for my house not to be spotless. However, it is not spotless. The cleanliness of my house is still last on my list of priorities.

Do not get me wrong—I do not live in a pig sty—but I do not live in a pristine, dust free house either. Paper work still piles up on the dining room table, shoes are still in the foyer and my kitchen counter often has too many items on it. We will not even talk about my closet! Think about it, right now, I could be hanging up laundry, but I am writing this instead. For some reason, I like to tackle cleaning in one massive swoop vs. a little bit here and there.

After not working at all for about 20 months, some part time opportunities came up on a project basis from my former boss. I found this to be the best of both worlds. I could go to the pool all day and begin my work at 8pm if I wanted to. There were times I worked 30 hours per week and times I worked 3 hours per week. I found I liked the weeks that were around 15 hours the best. I still do work part-time, but it has been slower this year. There are some weeks I do not submit any hours. I am okay with that right now. I know that when my children graduate high school in 18 months, I will be pounding the pavement in hopes of returning to the workforce full-time. I am actually looking forward to it!

So, I just told you my story. My point is, we all have our own story. This worked for me and my family. It may not have worked for another mom. Let’s stop trying to prove who has it harder and just worry about our own lives or, better yet, support our friends instead of judging them!

My Grattitude for Alfred

2011-11-10T09:49:00.000-08:00

As many of you know Storm Alfred wreaked some havoc in my state and my town. Oddly, during the eight days without power, I never got frustrated or stressed or angry. I really was thankful for many things. This is funny, because after Hurricane Irene, we lost power for only 24 hours and I was so stressed that our sump pumps would over flow into the basement, I was a borderline lunatic. Back then, I was thankful for our neighbor Robert who hooked up his generator to our pumps to pump us out a few times a day!

I reflected on all I was grateful for during the aftermath of storm Alfred and they are:

•My forward thinking (okay, you can think of it as doomsday thinking or my husband attributed it to my love of spending money.) in buying a generator immediately after storm Irene. My husband is right, I do have problem and love to shop—but really, does he think my problem is so bad that I would gleefully choose to spend that much money on a piece of equipment? Regardless of the reason, he was pretty happy on day two of the power outage when we could hook up the sump pumps! We only used it for the sump pumps and our electric chainsaw so my husband could take care of the tree debris in the yard. Most people have gas chainsaws—not us—we had to hook up our electric chainsaw to a gas powered generator!!!

•It could’ve been worse. Imagine if this happened in January. (Mind you, I realize the devastation would not be as bad in January because the leaves would’ve been off the trees…..) However, I was grateful that it was not 20 degrees outside. We did not need to use the generator for heat. Yes, the house was cold. We spent many days outside of the house and at night we all slept in the basement with blankets. I was actually too warm some nights!

•Perhaps I did not go crazy because I had a warm, friendly house to shower in. My niece and her family never lost power—and they only live about 3 miles away from us. I was extremely grateful for their hospitality. It was nice to shower, warm up, charge my phone and have some fun meals with her family and other displaced houseguests!

•Facebook, yes I said it. I am grateful for Facebook AND my smart phone. The information I received from Facebook friends, the local news channels and especially, my town’s police department was vital. If you are on Facebook, check to see if your local police department has a Facebook page. I checked for their status updates all the time. A big thank you goes out to the local police. Sometimes I wonder if a smart phone is worth the monthly charge. I will not question that anymore.

•I mentioned how at night I would often get too warm. I have the best blanket to thank for that. I bought it at Target last year—it is their own “Home” brand. One of my best purchases ever. I liked the first one I bought last year so much; I bought three more so we would all have one. They are so warm and soft. I did check to see if they have them on their shelves this year—and they do not. I will keep checking!

• The Alphabet game and Six Degrees of……. I was thankful for these games that do not require light or any type of power—just family and friends! If you do not know what the Alphabet game is—it is simple. You pick a topic, for instance movies. You then take turns going through the alphabet naming movies that begin with the letter you received. (e.g. All The President’s Men; Benji; Casablanca, etc.) The problem is you tend to run out of categories. We actually ended up using "swear words" as a category with our teenage daughters. Hey, it was a historic storm—we needed to add some levity to the situation!! Oh and if you do not know the Six Degrees game—essentially you mention two actors and try to link them via their work. (E.g. Danny Glover and Taylor Swift—how do you link them? Danny to James Marsden (Death at a Funeral) Marsden to Kate Bosworth (Straw Dogs) Bosworth to Topher Grace (Win a Date with Tad Hamilton) Grace to Swift in Valentine’s Day. (We found you can link many people through Valentine’s Day and Ocean’s 11). The best part of the game was when Taylor Lautner was mentioned my husband said, “I have heard of her, who is she again?” Immediately a tweet was fired off by a kid to share Dad’s lack of Lautner knowledge.

•The kindness of friends--we received many offers to warm up, charge electronics, shower and use WIFI. It is wonderful to see such kindness.

•CL&P and all the other line crews from other states and Canada that helped us get our power back! They have taken a lot of heat—but Alfred was very destructive. I would not have expected to get power back in less than 5 days. It is all about setting your expectations people. Not everything in 2011 can be fixed with a push of a button.

•Finally, I am a bit of TV addict. My daughters are too. Well, we all survived a week without television. (My niece’s cable was out so we did not have access to TV or the internet there.) However, why was that so easy? Knowing that we could catch up On Demand or online!!!!

Eight days without power was not the worst experience in my life, in fact I thought parts of it were quite fun!

Idol Theme Week: Jodi Picks the Songs!

2011-03-10T08:43:00.000-08:00

I may blog about AI a little too much this season. I was skeptical about whether they could keep my interest without Simon. I know sometimes his comments were less than courteous and quite biting, however, he often spoke the truth. However, I am loving it this season. I do think JLO and Tyler need to learn to give constructive criticism because not everyone is always great.

I love the eclectic mix of singers this season. My two favorites are Casey Abrams and Paul McDonald. I know there may be better “singers’ than Paul in the competition, however, when I pick a favorite it is based on whether I would spend money on their music or a concert. I can appreciate a great singer, but it doesn’t mean I will buy their music. It just may not be my style of music. For instance, I know Celine Dion and Mariah Carey have fantastic pipes, but you will not find a song by either of them on my iPod. (Ed.note--I realized I do have at least one of them on my iPod due to a Christmas compilation album!)

I know when I see Casey Abrams in concert, not only will I hear a style of music I appreciate and enjoy; I will also be amused in between songs with his spot on sense of humor. It is hard for me to separate personality from talent. You could be the most talented person in the world, but if you do not have a personality that appeals to me or if I can’t respect you, I do not care about your talent. This goes way back for me. Poor Richard Chamberlain. When I was about 8 years old, I saw the Towering Inferno. Do you know who started the fire in The Towering Inferno? Richard Chamberlain. After that, I never liked him!! Okay, I know that is harsh. Yes, I can separate fiction from reality…NOW! Relating it back to Idol…I was not sad to see Jordan go last week. During group week, I found him to be pompous and obnoxious. So, I it was hard for me to root for him.

Okay, so my wish for 2011 is that Nigel Lythgoe calls me to say, next week’s theme week is “Songs Chosen by Jodi Oliver”. So, yes, I’m dreaming. Who cares what I think? However, it still fun to dream. So, below is my list of 2-3 song choices for each contestant. I had to follow one rule; I had to choose a song that I own. (I’m also not paying attention to my rule for contestants that they should sing songs that are well known. This is a private concert for ME!)

Casey:
The Cave by Mumford and Sons
Couldn’t Care More by Fine Young Cannibals
Til Kingdome Come by Coldplay
Pia:
Bright Lights and Promises by Janis Ian
Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel
Paul:
Wonderwall by Oasis
There Will Be A Light by Ben Harper and The Blind Boys of Alabama
Til Kingdom Come by Coldplay (I know, I know..maybe they could do a duet)
(He could also do any Ray LaMontagne song)
Jacob:
Crying by Roy Orbison
Without a Song by George Benson
Thia:
I’m Not That Girl from Wicked
Here Comes the Sun the Beatles
Naima:
Chasing Pavement by Adele
I Who Have Nothing by Shirley Bassey
Ashton:
I Am Changing from Dreamgirls
Midnight by Yaz
Scotty:
Sail On by the Commodores (good non-country choice for him)
We Shall Be Free by Garth Brooks (I know he just sang Garth but..I love this song)
He Stopped Loving Her Today by George Jones (might be too depressing for Idol)
Haley:
The Trouble With Love is by Kelly Clarkson
Climb On by Shawn Colvin
Stepping Stone by Duffy
James:
Wild Flower by The Cult
I Alone by Live
Just Breath by Pearl Jam—for a pure softer side of James
Karen:
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Diana Ross
Songbird by Eva Cassidy
Lauren:
I’m so Lonesome I Could Cry by Hank Williams
Tomorrow by Lilix
Stefano:
Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word by Elton John
U Smile by Justin Bieber (It is a good song!)

I’d also love a duet of Lauren and Scotty singing “I Was Country, When Country Wasn’t Cool.”

Success

2011-02-24T06:36:00.000-08:00

How do you measure success?

I think only “YOU” can measure your own success. Success is something that cannot be generalized. What success looks like to me, may look very different to you. So, what does success look like to me? Below are 6 ways I measure success in my life:

1) A life with little or no regrets
2) Contentment
3) Children who treat others with respect and dignity
4) Treasured friends
5) Feeling healthy and fit (regardless of size)
6) A Balanced life (a good mix of family time, friend time and “me” time)
7) The ability to take a family vacation ever year.
8) Children who are comfortable simply being themselves.

I’m sure I could add more to the list, this was just off the top of my head. Now, I’ll explain each of these:

A life with little or no regrets
I really strive to have absolutely no regrets. However, I can think of two actions in my life that I wish I perhaps I would’ve behaved differently. However, I don’t know if I would consider them “regrets.” They are more of a “curiosity”. If I have a life decision to make—I often think of it in terms of future regret. I try to think of all the decision outcomes and which outcome would I regret “if”. Of course, predicting the “if” is always the problem. Another aspect of living life with no regrets is never to be afraid to share your opinion and speak your mind. For those that know me, I do not usually have a problem with sharing my opinion!

Contentment
Some people think of contentment as a negative. I do not. I believe contentment is when you are at peace with how things are in your life. I do not see contentment as “settling” as many do.

Children who treat others with respect and dignity
I’ve said it before; my goal is to raise good citizens. That is a measure of my success. My children will have to measure their own success their way.

Treasured friends
I know I sound like a broken record, but I have wonderful friends. However, by a treasured friend, I mean a friend who thinks of me, as I think of them. I have many friends I can count on for anything. That is only one part of the success of a treasured friend. The other is whether my friends feel like they can count on me for anything. I hope they know they can.

Feeling healthy and fit
This is one part of my life I struggle with. I go through phases of feeling fit and healthy. I need to be more consistent with this portion of my life. I will never be a size 6—my body truly was not meant to be that small. However, I could lose a few pounds. More importantly, I need to be more consistent about exercise. If I never lost a pound, but consistently worked out 3-6 times per week, I’d be happy.

A Balanced Life
I am a true believer in balance.--all aspects of balance. Here I am referring to balancing family time, friend time and time for me. As important as I believe family unit time is, I believe spending time with your friends is just as important to your well being. I also believe, you need to take time for yourself. How you spend that time is different for everyone. For me, that time is writing this blog, going to a movie and shopping.

The ability to take a family vacation every year
I struggled with adding this to the list. I wasn’t sure if it is a true measure of success for me or simply a goal. However, if you reach your goal—I suppose that is a success, right? I love to vacation. I love to expose my kids to new places and experiences. I treasured family vacations as a child and I believe that is why I still love a family vacation.

Children who are comfortable simply being themselves
I want my children to be happy. I believe truly knowing yourself and having the confidence to be yourself is a key to happiness. I hope I have raised my children to have this confidence.

Okay, those are my measures of success. However, when you think of your measures of success it is hard not to think of your shortcomings. I have two shortcomings that I wondered whether I should I add to my measure of success. I feel like I might be “happier” if I was in better control of my clutter and if I was a better cook. (Or should I say if I enjoyed cooking.) However, I don’t measure my success by the cleanliness of my house or the meals that I prepare. I will commit to making improvements in those areas of my life. My problem is, I prioritize everything over cleaning! Life comes before cleaning. At any rate, that is an entirely different subject.

Again, I digress. I’d be interested in hearing what success means to you. Share your thoughts!

Chinese Tiger Mother

2011-01-17T19:42:00.000-08:00

The Chinese Tiger Mother has sparked a great deal of discussion lately. If you do not know what I’m referring to google: Wall Street Journal: Amy Chua: Why Chinese parents are superior.

I do not believe any one brand of parenting is superior to another. Parents have the toughest job in the world. There are multiple ways to parent and as parents, we will all succeed and fail at different times.

First, I understand that there are underlying cultural difference here. I actually even believe that perhaps the Chinese parenting model described in this article works best for Chinese children. I am not a scientist by any means, but I do think years of cultural traditions can become more than simply tradition. I wonder if it could be mapped into our DNA.

So, I’m not disputing her theories—I’m just going to share my own that may counter some of hers. Also, I am not generalizing “Chinese parents”—however, I will use that phrase as she did in her article to refer to her model of parenting.

Let me share some of the highlights from the article. The author stated her children will never be allowed to do:

•attend a sleepover
•have a play date
•be in a school play
•complain about not being in a school play
•watch TV or play computer games
•choose their own extracurricular activities
•get any grade less than an A
•not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
•play any instrument other than the piano or violin
•not play the piano or violin.

Hmm..my children are allowed to do every single one of these items. I think exercising your right to choose ultimately teaches invaluable lessons that are vital to a successful adult life. When you reach adulthood and have a career, you will be overwhelmed with choices; choices that will impact not only you, but potentially your family and your employees. The earlier you can learn or detect the consequence of choices the better.

As far as sleepovers and play dates, I think they are vital to a person's overall well being. (I’m sure Ms. Chua would cringe at that phrase.) I’ve said it before and I’ll say it over and over again…I have the best friends and friendships in the world. I do not know if the bond between my friends and me would be so strong if it weren’t for sleepovers, play dates and extracurricular activities, chosen by me. I have wonderful childhood friends, college friends, work friends and now “mom” friends. I know I can count on any of them during the best and worst of times. I hope they know they can count on me. Honestly, I feel my friendships, and/or my ability to form friendships are the most important resources I have.

The author also stated that the following about Western parents:

•Extremely anxious about their child’s self-esteem
•Only ask their children to do their best (eg. vs. order them to get straight A’s)
•Concerned about the child’s psyches, they assume fragility vs. strength.

I actually do not disagree with any of these statements about Western parents, except that the reason we are concerned about the psyches of our children is because we assume fragility. I don’t think that is the reason.

I do think that parents included in “my’ generation tend to coddle their children a bit. (Even as a society we coddle kids--everyone receives a trophy, dogeball is not alowed during recess, etc.) However, I do believe how a person feels is important. I focus on self-esteem in my house to build upon the strengths my children have. I think we are born strong but people/events can whittle away at that strength. I hope for A’s, but I do not demand them. My kids shoot for A’s on their own. I think it is more meaningful for them to achieve an A when they desire it vs. me demanding it. I was born stubborn, if you demand something from me; I will probably give you the exact opposite of what you demand. Do my children always receive A’s? No, they do not. I do believe they try their best most of the time. I think when do not try their best, it is interesting for them to discover the consequence of their lack of trying. I believe self-discovery is tool that provides a greater impact in the learning process than being “told” something.

Ms. Chua mentioned that in her model it is okay to call your children names (e.g. pathetic, fat, stupid, worthless, garbage) to demonstrate how you feel about their performance. I could never imagine calling my children any of those names, even if they hit their lowest point. I believe you can achieve the same desired results with a different demeanor. It does not mean that I would be “soft” on them—I just would not choose “those” words. There is a managing model called Antecedents Behaviors Consequences, it works well in Corporate America and it works well as a parenting model tool. It involves finding the right antecedents and consequences for the desired behaviors for an indvidual-not the masses--the individual. (Yes, Ms. Chua, I do believe we are all special in our own way.)

I also find it interesting that Chinese parents demand their children to be the best. So, if five Chinese students are all in the same graduating class, and they are all parented according to this author’s style of parenting, which student will be the best? Typically, you do not have five Valedictorians. Only one person can be number 1, so how do you reconcile where the parenting went wrong in that case? This is also where I take offense to the claim of “superiority”….there are cases where “western” children who had sleepovers and choice end up number one in the class vs. the Chinese student raised via Ms. Chua’s parenting model. Again, just my case that there is not a one way road to parenting. If you look at the top 20 most successful people in the world--I bet they were each parented in a different way.

Ms. Chua also stated: “What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences.” I think this is interesting concept and I think for some kids it may work. However, I think for others it does not. Andre Agassi comes to mind—he recently revealed he hated tennis and only played because his father demanded it. Obviously, he reached the top—but being at the top did not make him love the sport.

Lastly, I’d like to delve into the following observation by Chua:

“Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything….the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud. By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents.”

I actually disagree with her. Personally, I totally felt indebted to my parents. Not because they told me I should, but because I respected them for raising me and giving me the best life that they could. I don’t tell my children that they owe me (I don’t like that term because it sounds like you do something to get something…I don’t believe in that. My actions are never motivated by what someone owes me in return.) So, I will say that I hope that my children will respect me enough, to do what they can for me when I am older.

When my parents became ill, my immediate family took a back seat. My father went into the hospital and my mom was also ill at her house. I had to stay with her, make her meals, and visit my Dad in the hospital. I would leave my husband and kids at about 9pm to head over to my mom’s. I would sleep there, get up make her breakfast. Head to my house to be sure the kids got off to school and then head to the hospital. I’d visit my dad, go to my mom’s to make her lunch, head back the hospital, head home or to the girls’ school for any carpooling activities, go back to my mom’s to give her dinner, head back to the hospital for a visit and then back home to spend an hour or so with my family and then head back to my mom’s to repeat it all for the next day. If I had time, I’d make something for dinner for my family; however, sometimes dinner consisted of Progresso soup.

At times I felt guilty, but in all honesty—I knew in my head and my heart I was doing the right thing. When you are doing the right thing—the guilt is not overwhelming. My kids and my husband understood and they were very supportive. My parents never, ever indicated to me that I “owed” them, but their love and support of me throughout my life somehow indicated to me that I would do anything for them. I “owed” it to them. I actually hope that my kids were taking notes and might treat me with that same respect and love when I am older and in need of help.

This story reminds me of one of the most important tools we have as parents: modeling behavior. Our kids watch our every move—if we want them to grow up to be upstanding citizens who work hard and treat people with respect—we need to model that for them.

Bottom line, parenting is a tough job. Most of us do our best and hope it works out. Good luck to all of you out there trying your best, no matter which style you are using.

Activities Education, Family -Oh My!

2010-11-04T05:57:00.000-07:00

WARNING! WARNING!!! This rambling is truly a rambling! I’m all over the place—so please forgive me now!!

Do I have a point or am I just becoming a curmudgeon? Here are some of the items I’m fired up about:

•The dismantling of the American family due to an increasing movement in our culture to push our kids to do more and more and more. Activities and educational demands are taking time away from the family unit.
•The increasing emphasis on rigor in our school systems vs. an emphasis on actual learning.
•High expectations of our youth

The American Family
Is it just me, or do you feel like true family unit time is dwindling due to running in eight million directions with your children, yourself, etc? I do. Also, this year, my kids have so much schoolwork, I feel like I never see them. The struggle I have is the forces that are causing the dismantling are all “positive” forces, so we just try to make the best of it! It boils down to activities AND education. Activities for children are very positive –they build social skills, keep kids busy, etc. Education—well we all know why an education is important.

In the 21st century—activities and education split up the family unit. Families are running in at least 3 different directions. I only have two kids, so we only run in 4 different directions. (Yes, parents have a life too—so you have to count their activities, be it for work or for fun.) I have friends running in 5, 6 and 7 different directions! As a family, you can control activities, but even with control and rules (e.g. one activity at a time), it still becomes crazy. I think part of it is because our nice little activities are becoming more and more demanding. For example, the “youth” cheerleaders in our town that cheer for “youth” football, were required to sign a contract this year. The contract stated that they will not miss more than 2 or 3 practices. These girls are as young as 10 years old. I understand the importance of “team” work and that in a sport like cheerleading with stunting—you need to have everyone there to maximize practice. However, life happens—kids get sick, kids have SCHOOL projects that take precedent over cheerleading and let us not forget…they are CHILDREN!!! I think the first contract I signed was my mortgage! This is just one minor example.

High school sports are a totally different story. I was a high school athlete. I was extremely competitive. However, my philosophy in all aspects of life is not to take yourself so seriously that you lose perspective of the bigger picture in life. I am so thankful my daughters do not play a winter sport. We spend at least four days out of state over the holidays visiting the in-laws. If my daughters played basketball, this would become an issue. You are required to attend practices during this time. I refuse to give up that family time for a high school sport. If my kids were playing Division 1 in college, I would get it. A college sport is the equivalent of having a job. A high school sport should not be. I also do not want to hear that you are preparing these kids for college sports. Let’s face it, only 10%, of the kids who play high school sports will play at some level in college(I suspect that statistic may be generous.) If a parent decides family comes first, the student athletes get punished for the decisions of their parents.

Education – Time and Rigor
I think you all understand the activity issue. Let’s move to education. I feel like an emphasis on “rigor” has replaced the emphasis on “learning.” I care more about my kids learning vs. how they learn or how hard they work to learn. Our school stresses the importance of taking AP classes. So my daughter chose to take AP History. She was so stressed out the first two weeks of school, I agreed to let her drop it. I believe if you are taking an AP course, it should be tougher than a non-AP course. However, I don’t think kids should be spending 10- 15 hours a week on homework for one class. I’m sorry, I don’t. I think kids should have down time. Everyone says, “well it is a college level course.” Do you know how much downtime you have in college? You only go to class for 15 hours a week. College students have a lot more time to manage! So, she dropped it—not because she wasn’t doing well (she wasn’t, but that was not my driver) she was just too stressed about it. I felt like it wasn’t worth it. Did I teach her the right thing by letting her drop it? I think so. I don’t think she is going to give up anytime things get stressful. I hope I gave her a lesson on perspective. I asked her if she felt at all like she was “quitting.” She said “Mom, I’m a 14 year old who was struggling with a college level course. No.”. I think that is a good perspective. I learned so much about history in high school. A shout out to Mr. Harvey and Mr. Dakin—who I thought were great teachers. I don’t remember ever stressing about their classes and I STILL remember everything I LEARNED. The AP class curriculum focuses on the AP exam. All schools want their students to do well on the AP exam—great for school statistics. I think anytime we are teaching to a specific test—we take the creativity out of learning.

This brings me to another point: tight curriculums. Districts now have curriculum specialists for each subject. The curriculum for each subject is specific. I think that is great—all children should learn the same information. However, I think we are taking the creativity out of teaching when the curriculum is so specific that projects and tests are the same across classes. I understand the purpose of this approach is to protect fairness. I’m all for fairness-but let us figure out a way to measure fairness while allowing teachers to be creative with their curriculum. (Don't get me started on teacher evaluations and unions, etc.)

I have a more recent beef with group projects. If a teacher is going to assign a group project—they should allow two weekends to get it done. Both of my girls received a group project that was assigned on a Wednesday and due the next Wednesday. Now, if you have kids involved in activities (approximately 50% of students in their school are involved in an everyday afterschool activity)—they can’t meet during the week. So, that leaves the weekend. All I can say is thank goodness we didn’t have a wedding or any other family obligation this weekend. They both met with their groups for 5 hours each and neither group finished the project in 5 hours. The project involved making a video—so if you have not dabbled in creating and editing videos—you have that learning curve to deal with. I have to say, after spending at a minimum of 7-9 hours on this project—I’ll be ticked if they do not get a good grade. Sometimes time and effort on a project like this should be worth something! One daughter was lucky to be in a group with someone who has editing experience. My other daughter was not that lucky. She took on the editing herself. She did a nice job for her first video, but I’m sure it is not as clean and stylish as others with more experience. If it was for a video class, that would be fine. It is for a Spanish class. Don’t get me wrong, I love the assignment, it is fun and creative. It is just difficult to manage the group timing with only one weekend involved. So, back to the original point of this blog. This project took approximately 7-8 weekend hours away from our life as a family. (Truthfully, it took longer for the beginner editor.)

I think teachers assume kids, especially teenagers, have complete control over the life. Sorry, but as a parent, I still have control. They still rely on me to drive them to a friend’s house to work on a project or they need me to offer our house as the place to work on the project. It takes the entire family (and usually a village) to make the family unit work. One teacher said, “you all have Tuesday off from school, so you also have time them.” Well, yes, many schools have Election Day off, but most parents do not have Election Day off. This makes it difficult for the student who has two working parents and you live in a town too big to walk to your friend’s house.

Now back to rigor and learning. I feel like there is a desire to just make students jump through hoops because “we” think it builds character and teaches great study habits. I do not necessarily subscribe to this theory. I think a focus on rigor makes students rush to get all of their work done to just get it done. They study for a test or research a project and then poof it is gone from their head when the class is completed. As someone pointed out, quantity does not equal quality! Of course, I do not have any studies to support my theories. It is all observational and anecdotal. I’m sure I could find statistics to support MY theory; however, I’m also confident if you disagree with me, you could find statistics to support YOUR theory. For all you teachers out there—I’m not blaming you. I think parents are to blame too. I don’t know what it is about our generation, but they it seems like everyone thinks their kids should be going to an Ivy League school. I’ve mentioned this in previous blogs how I think “we” as parents can be a CRAZY. (Read “My Quest to Raise Achievers” my blog from February.)

I’d also like to see more of a focus on critical thinking skills. Class discussion is a great tool for critical thinking. Essays are a great tool for critical thinking. I do not think kids have the critical thinking skills we acquired as students. I love the phrase “stepping over dollars to get to dimes” when it comes to running a business or personal money management. I’d like to find an equivalent analogy for our educational system. I think this is what we are doing sometimes. (It is similar to thinking that banning toys from Happy Meals will actually help childhood obesity! Let’s find “a” solution vs. finding the “right” solution.)

I know many people subscribe to the theory that we need to be tougher on our kids so that when they are in the “real” world they can keep up with the worldwide market. I debated with a friend who believes school should be year round. Seriously? Ugh, I think I’d have to home school if it came to that. It is such a natural reaction to do what others are doing because it works for them, instead of thinking creatively to make things work within your own boundaries. (Also, if you think of a true balance in life--is it really working for "them".) Let our kids be kids. Hey adults: is our world so wonderful that we want the kids to join it earlier? NO!!! Let them have this wonderful time in their life. Give them the gift of time, the gift of learning form mistakes, the gift of family!

I've said it before, and I will say it again...I want my kids to have a happy, balanced life. Is that too much to ask?

Bullying

2010-10-07T09:45:00.000-07:00

My heart breaks for the families of those who have lost loved ones to bullying. My heart especially breaks for those that are gone. Oh, if they just waited it out a few years—they would see that life does get better. I always say to people: this problem you are facing, whatever it is, is just a blip on the long life you are going to live. I know it is hard to see that when you are in the middle of your own crisis.

I truly feel that our internet, video game, reality TV shows culture has exacerbated the issue of bullying. The “bullies” are more desensitized and don’t understand consequences. I do not mean consequences to themselves—but to their victims.

I think our world of “disconnecting” from everyone, by that I mean our world of texting, email, social network communication, playing video games non-stop, etc. creates a wall between our “virtual” life and our “real” life. I think those born after 1993 have a hard time distinguishing between those lives. I think reality TV adds to this too because we see people exposing their personal and many times intimate moments for all to see. So, this generation thinks nothing of sharing personal, intimate, private moments. (Their own private moments or their friends’). Our society also rewards bad behavior. Hey—do something stupid—become a star! Get your own show—make lots of money! I’m just as caught up in new technology as a 13 year old girl. However, I have the benefit of growing up before the technology existed. I have “seen” how words and action hurt people.

I love Anderson Cooper and I rarely disagree with him. However, the other day he was speaking about the Rutgers suicide victim and the “bully” in that case. The roommate who so callously posted such an intimate moment on the internet may be facing “hate” crime charges. Anderson said someone who knew the person said he would’ve posted the video even if his roommate was with a woman. Anderson disagreed; he feels it was really because he was with a man. I think that could be true. However, I think our society has become so desensitized to privacy that the “jerk” of a roommate may have posted it even if it was with a woman. The sad thing about our culture is I definitely think he would’ve posted it if it was a woman who is considered a “less” desirable in our culture. He probably would think that is “funny” too. The other sad thing about our culture is that if he broadcast his roommate with the”hottest” girl on campus—the kid would’ve been a legend. That is sad.

I think bullies prey on any perceived vulnerability. I think there are those who pick on LGBT kids because their own values may think that is not appropriate—but I think for the most part—when they are bulling anyone—it has nothing to do with their belief system. It is because bullying gives them a sense of power. So, I’m not sure all these bullies are against LGBT kids—they just want to make themselves feel strong and powerful. It is their sad insecurities that foster their behavior. Bullies prey on anything not in the norm of our culture—maybe you are gay, maybe you’re overweight, maybe you do not wear the right labels, or you wear the same clothes every day, maybe you are too tall, too short, too smart, —whatever the vulnerability is—the bully will find it.

So, as adults and mentors—we need to do address two issues. Stop the bullies and build self-esteem in those that are bullied so that they can stand up to the bullies or at least not let the bullying hurt them so much so that they are taking their own lives. It is so senseless. We also need to teach our children not to be bystanders. Anderson made this point—he said he was never picked on—but he was a bystander. We need to teach our kids to not sit by and watch kids get bullied. They do not need to put themselves in danger, but they need to show the bullied kid support.

Many people say there is more bullying now, many say, no it has always been this bad. I think bullying has always existed however, with the internet, cell phones and other technology the level to which a victim can be humiliated is ten-fold.

I was picked on for developing too early. To this day I am self-conscious about that. I remember the first day I wore a bra during the 5th grade. My table partner, who was a 4th grade boy --Alan—pointed and shouted “She is wearing a bra!” I was mortified. From that day on, I always wore zippered sweatshirts and if I couldn’t, I always had my arms crossed in front of my chest. I tried to downplay it any way I could. I still do actually. If that was in today’s day and age, what if Alan had a cell phone and took a close up picture and sent it to everyone? Instead of 10 people hearing his exclamation—everyone would’ve known I was the first girl to wear a bra. The teasing continued for a few years. I won’t share the comments I heard all too often. Sounds like a trivial issue to most of you—but that was my vulnerability then. My point is....in the big picture of life being picked on for this is not a big deal..however...only the person being picked on can determine how big of a deal it is.

Again I digress, and I actually don’t know if I will keep that personal item in. (I know I should—but it is still embarrassing to me). We need to empower the children in our lives to be proud of whom they are and accept their differences. We need to let them know that differences during one period of their life become blessings during other periods of their lives.

Spread tolerance and most of all...spread kindness.

Relationships--X's and Grass

2010-07-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

Ex’s and Feelings

For those of you who spend valuable time in front of the tube watching “real” people make life changing decisions before your eyes—you’ll understand the genesis for this topic. Recently, on an episode of the edgy, artsy show we call “The Bachelorette” a bachelor discovered he still had feelings for his ex and could not continue on the show. (I believe this was revealed just prior to “the most dramatic rose ceremony yet”). So, here is the deal. Frank breaks up with Nicole (allegedly—because truth be told, I believe he had this all planned out ahead of time—but I will write my little story as if it happens as he says.) After the breakup, Frank decides to find his true love on the ABC hit show “The Bachelorette”. He is cast and meets Ally, our adorably cute bachelorette. Frank and Ally have instant chemistry. So much so, that Frank becomes quite whiny when he does not get to spend time with her. He already feels as if Ally is his girlfriend and hates that he has to share her with other potential lifetime partners. Frank makes it to the final three. After all, they are falling in love. Frank, who has been pining over Ally for weeks and could think only of Ally—suddenly remembers Nicole. His actual quote (almost actual—I’m not so invested to hit the rewind button on the DVR) “Falling in love with Ally, made me realize I still had feelings for Nicole.” WHAT? Okay Frank, you had me until that statement. WHAT? Falling in love with Ally made you realize you still had feelings with Nicole? That does not make one BIT of sense. I get having feelings for past love interests. I believe it is actually normal to have feelings for past love interests EVEN when you are in love with someone else--especially, if the break up was mutual without any dramatic stories worthy of “Cheaters.” (Seriously, I don’t even watch that show. I do have a line people!)

I will admit to having lingering feelings for ex’s. They may be feelings of disdain, disgust and bitterness, but feelings none the less! Just kidding!! My beef with his comment is—when you are in the midst of falling in love with someone (butterflies, daydreaming, the good type of anxiety, etc.) you are NOT remembering your feelings for your EX. That is actually when you are forgetting about your EX!!! (This is why I think Frank masterminded this whole scenario and Nicole was in on it. However, I remember my blog on benefit of the doubt—I will keep that in mind!)

So this scenario leads to another question… Is the Grass Greener…..?

Relationships are not easy. However, when things get rough, I’d like to remind you of the phrase: The grass is always greener on the other side. It seems lately I’ve known some friends who are curious about the grass on the other side. I think people wonder about the Kentucky Blue grass vs. Bermuda grass for a few reasons:
1) They wonder if they still have it. They look in the mirror and see someone they may not recognize. I know I do. A few extra pounds and wrinkles and you don’t believe the person in the mirror is still you. I’m not even saying you once thought you were great looking, but you just don’t look like the vision of “you” that is still in your head from your teens or twenties. I never used to hate having my picture taken, but now I do. Probably my biggest motivation for getting back into shape is seeing current pictures of myself. (Wow a big digression….) Anyways, my point is--for some, if they are in a situation and someone new flirts with them—it probably makes them feel pretty good. Or as Larry David might say….”preetttay, pretty, pretty good.” I think it is natural to enjoy a little flirting--but be careful. Your sig other may not “flirt” with you anymore, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. And let’s face it, after awhile the new person won’t flirt with you anymore either.
2) They are truly struggling in their marriage. It happens. People grow apart or sometimes life throws in too many distractions that keep a couple apart too often. Whatever the reason, I think it is worth working on the original relationship. Mr. or Ms. Flirty might look good right now, but after a few dates, more time together…that initial attraction may/will fizzle. Many relationships cannot be salvaged, and that is okay. There is no shame in that. People change and grow. I’m just saying; don’t give up years of a relationship for Mr./Ms. Flirty right away.
3) Of course there is always the “ego” reason—or more commonly known as “Tiger” complex. No need to delve into that reason.

So who knows? I’m just saying don’t be hasty. However, I do think you should be happy. I don’t think it is healthy to stay in a relationship that brings you down. I can only hope and pray that Frank is truly happy with Nicole. If not, I’m sure we’ll see him on Season 2 of The Bachelor Pad. (God help us if season 1 is a hit!)

Movie Time

2010-06-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

What are your favorite movies? I struggle with pinpointing my very favorite movies. There are movies that I love and can watch over and over again--that are favorites. However, there are also movies that I absolutely love, but don't really watch them over and over again. I broke my faves into categories--check them out and let me know what you think. At the end I finally condense it into an overall Top 10.

FAVORITE COMEDIES
The Hangover (I think it has all been said--check out earlier blog)
Young Frankenstein ("ain't go no body, ain't got no body")
Russians are Coming; Russians are Coming (I have mentioned my Alan Arkin crush, right?)
Bull Durham (So many classic scenes...pitcher's mound dilemna--wedding gifts, chickens, etc.)
Best Friends (I'm sorry, I love a Burt Reynolds' movie! Pair him with Goldie Hawn and you have a classic!)
Super Dad (Okay, does anyone remember this movie? Disney? Kurt Russell? I haven't seen it since I was 10, but I remember falling off my chair in the movie theater with laughter!!)
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? (The story, the writing, the acting--truly superb!)
Diner (Classic lines, classic story of friendships!)
Office Space (Did you hand in your TPS reports yet?)
Willy Wonka (I'm not sure this is a comedy, but it is a movie masterpiece!)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Not a true comedy--but the scenes between father and son are comic genius!)

FAVORITE DRAMA
The Hurt Locker (Is this a surprise to anyone who knows me or reads my blog?)
Do The Right Thing (Another masterpiece, writing, directing, acting....)
Boyz in the Hood (Movie stands alone--but the fact it is John Singleton's first movie--incredible. I could also put in my category "movies that make me sob")
Field of Dreams (Baseball, Costner and inspiration...)
Friday Night Lights (I love a sports movie--this one represents all that I love!)
To Kill A Mockingbird (How can you not love this movie and Gregory Peck?)
To Sir With Love (How do you thank someone who has taken you from crayons to perfume?)
Cool Hand Like (Great writing, acting and directing)
The Big Chill (I can't even think of college without this thinking of this movie. So many great lines...)
Chariots of Fire (This movie falls into the "I love this movie" category but I don't typically watch it over and over)
The Right Stuff (Love an astronaut story...love Sam Shepherd in this movie)

FAVORITE ROMANCE MOVIES
Roman Holiday (Simply the best romance movie EVER!! Peck and Hepburn? Love them!)
High Society (Most prefer the original "Philadelphia Story"--I love that one too but saw "High Society" first. I think Bing Crosby is at his best in this film!)
Love Actually (One of my absolute faves! Every story is enchanting or heartbreaking)
American President ("I am Andrew Shepherd. And I AM your President!")
Breaking Away (Okay, so this isn't a romance--but originally this category was romance or comedy/drama. Classic film of the haves and have nots!)
Cat Ballou (Lee Marvin is fantastic in this movie!)
Valley Girl (Randy and Julie--a modern love story with a great soundtrack!)
Chasing Liberty (Stop laughing, I know this one is corny--but I LOVE it! I love Mattew Goode too!)
Say Anything (If you guys know so much about women, why are you at the Gas n Sip on a Saturday night? Choice man, choice!)
That Touch of Mink I love a Doris Day movie--I love them all!)
Father Goose (Couldn't leave this Cary Grant movie off the list)

MOVIES THAT MAKE ME SOB
Champ (I don't think I've ever made through the scene with Ricky Shroeder balling without balling myself!)
I Am Sam (I cry every time--especially when she is with the "new" family.)
Brian’s Song (Classic sports movie with a lovely tale of friendship!)
My Girl (These kids will get you every time!)
Butch and Sundance (You just keep rooting for them!)
Bang th Drum Slowly (This movie is so underrated-great acting!)
West Side Story (Somewhere a place for us...sniffle, sniffle)
Independence Day (Great action flick with touching scenes.)
Mister Roberts (Why oh why does someone as great as Mister Roberts have to die!?)
Rocket Gilbraltar (A great movie about families!)
Pay It Forward (I've only seen it once, but I sobbed!!)

I'm sure I left out plenty of movies that I love.

MY OVERALL TOP TEN
Hangover
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
Roman Holiday
High Society
Valley Girl
Love Actually
Breaking Away OR The Hurt Locker
Bull Durham
The Big Chill
Do The Right Thing

Benefit of the Doubt

2010-05-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

I think we should all give the benefit of the doubt more often. It would keep peace between friends and family and it would avert many miscommunications. As humans, we need to learn to be more forgiving of each other. We need to learn not to take things so personally. Upon reflection, I bet you’ll find what you’ve taken personally, is not about you at all.

My husband’s grandmother recently passed away and his Aunt delivered a wonderful tribute to her. She mentioned how her mother would always take the time to listen to all of her kids complain when they had an issue with someone. She would calmly listen. After they were done, she would say: “What you don’t know is if that person recently suffered a loss, had to stay up all night with a sick baby, came into rough economic times, etc.” Her point: perhaps at face value they were rude, insensitive, self-absorbed, etc. However, what made them that way in that instant? Give them the benefit of the doubt.

I think we owe that to each other. I dare say not one of us on this planet is perfect. Do I like it when someone is rude, distracted, insensitive, self-absorbed or angry? No, I do not. However, have I ever been rude, distracted, insensitive , self-absorbed or angry? Yes, I have. We all have. Remember this the next time you are quick to judge your friend, your father, your sister, your brother, your mother, your teacher, your coworker or yes, even a stranger.

I read so many posts on Facebook that actually sadden me. So many people post items that reflect their rush to judgment that ultimately reveals they are mad at a friend, neighbor, family member or stranger. What a wasted effort to be mad, or I should say to hold a grudge. We all get mad. However, when you let that feeling take over your sensibilities and can’t let go, it is not healthy. I’m willing to bet, it is not worth it either.

Often we get upset or mad when someone does not meet our expectations. Well, guess what? That is about YOU, NOT THEM! It is unfair to expect someone to meet YOUR expectations unless you’ve clearly outlined those expectations. If a friend forgets your birthday or your mom doesn’t call you on Christmas, or your daughter loses your IPod, don’t hold a grudge. Forgive, let it go. We need to learn the limitations of our friends and family and come to accept them as they are. I’m not saying to ignore it. Share your feelings; let them know how it made you feel, then move on. Do not tell everyone on your Facebook page or everyone in your office or school and then NOT tell the person who disappointed you.

If someone continually disappoints you or consistently behaves in a way that you are not comfortable with, just distance yourself. You can do this in an amicable way without holding grudges or writing the person the off. Believe me; I know there are extreme situations that this approach does not work for. I’m just saying, for the most part, the benefit of the doubt works. I honestly can’t think of a grudge I’ve ever held. I have friends who will read this—if you can think of one, refresh my memory. I get disappointed in people and angry sometimes, however, after I experience it, I let it go. Move on. Walk on.

I even give the benefit of the doubt to perfect strangers. I was so hoping Balloon Boy wasn’t a hoax. I saw the Wolf Blitzer interview and I still rationalized how it could be real. My theory is: I’d rather be wrong about thinking someone was acting with integrity and good intentions vs. wrong about thinking they were acting with ill intentions. Wouldn’t you? So, I was wrong about the Balloon Boy incident. Ultimately, who cares that I was wrong? My conscious would care if I immediately jumped to accuse the dad of staging the incident and then learned it was real.

Give the benefit of the doubt when:
*You’re not invited to a friend’s party (maybe the party was for a different circle of friends or maybe they needed to have a limit and couldn’t include everyone)
*You recognize a friend at the mall and they do not say hi (maybe they did not see you, they’re so focused on their mission, they could’ve looked right at you and not have seen you; or they didn’t sense recognition from you and thought you wouldn’t remember them, etc.)
*A friend forgets your birthday (life gets crazy and it happens sometimes—shouldn’t be a reflection on what kind of friend that person is)
*Someone forgets to pay you back money you loaned (perhaps it truly slipped their mind)
*A friend makes a wise crack at your expense. (they were trying to be funny and may have crossed the line. Sometimes it is hard to define that line with a friend until something happens)
*Your mother hints that you should stop eating ice cream and cookies because your pants are becoming too tight. (Hey, that is what a mom does!!!)

Above is just a sampling of little things we can “give” the benefit of the doubt to. Obviously, patterns of behavior over time are different. For instance, if a friend never pays you back and now owes you mucho money--well, that is an issue. I’m just saying, initially, do not judge, give the benefit of the doubt.

Remember the words of Bono, The Edge, Larry and, yes, Adam:

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind

Why Has Idol Lost Its Flavor?

2010-04-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

I know ratings are an important indicator of a show’s success, but so is water cooler buzz. Water cooler buzz over the last few weeks indicates people are not so keen on American Idol anymore. I know I’m not. If I was going to miss an episode during past seasons, I would definitely tape it. Now, I don’t. I ask my kids how everyone performed. You might say I don’t tape it because you can go online to view performances. I have not once looked up a performance from this season online. I’ve watched Idol since season one and I am finally ready to give it up. (Maybe…)
Why has it lost its flavor? My thoughts:

1. Four judges! It did not work last year (too long, too much pontificating). We do not need 4 people telling us “two” opinions. Was the performance good or bad? The reason three works is the tiebreaker. If two people disagree, you have a third to break the tie. The even number of four does not work here. (If you knew me, you’d know I’m a big fan of even numbers. So much so, you might call me superstitious. My TV volume is never set to an odd number and I pump my gas so the dollars spent equals an even number. Too much information about my neurosis?)

2. I miss Paula. (Did I just say that out loud?) I’m sorry I do. She was entertaining. I watched Idol 80% for the performances and 20% for Paula’s craziness. Admit it, even if you didn’t know you watched Idol for Paula, you miss her, don’t you? It is like the old saying “you don’t know what you had until it is gone.”

3. Substitute Paula does not work. Although I am one of the few that thinks Kara is sometimes the only one who gives constructive criticism (whether I agree with it or not…) I despise her attempts to be crazy with Simon. It is like the producers said, “Okay, Kara and Simon can you try to flirt with each other and create sort of what Paula and Simon had, but a little different?” STOP THE MADNESS! It is not working. It is nauseating and obviously contrived!

4. I don’t think Ellen is contributing to the loss of flavor—but I don't think she is adding value to the show. Again, the four judge panel approach is not working. In the beginning Ellen was able to be constructive, but now she is filling in for nice Paula. If she doesn’t want to say anything bad, she quickly turns it over to Kara. I think my expectations were too high for Ellen. I don’t think she is adding what the producers thought she would add.

5. Top 24. I don’t think the judges picked the “right” Top 24. I love the talent this year, but there is something missing. I haven’t put my finger on it yet. It is not lack of talent or lack of vocal diversity but it something. It just does not captivate like it used to. Some Adam crazed fans say it is because since they can never replicate Adam—Idol will never be the same anymore. I certainly do not subscribe to that! (Most of you know—I wasn’t a huge Adam fan.) I do agree last year, people did tune in to see what he might do or look like next. However, the show was successful for many years prior to Adam.

6. Simon is phoning in his comments this season. He knows it is his last year. He is different. Simon was always too harsh, but he was often on the mark. This year he is just innocuous. I think they are doomed next year without him. My best advice to the producers would be to find a smart, witty no-name to replace Simon. Do not try to fill his shoes with a big name. He was unknown to Americans prior to Idol. Do that again. (Try at least)

7. We are sick of the commercials and the length of the show. When you are down to 8 contestants, the show does not have to be 2 hours long. I get it. It is a business. You can sell 2 hours worth of commercial time, so why not? Why, because you are losing us!!!

8. Since I can’t end on “7” I need to think of an 8th reason. Oh, probably the one that frustrates me the most. Inconsistent judges comments!!! Ugh!! One week, the artist doesn’t make the song his/her own-- the next week the same artist changed the song too much. One week the artist sings to slow, the next week they sing too fast. I find that to be the most annoying part of the show. “Tim, why do you smile when we are criticizing you?” Perhaps because he is polite!! Who cares why he smiles? All you need to worry about as a judge is if he takes your criticism and uses it next week. Stop focusing on the inane!!! The judges are truly the reason why I’ve decided not to follow faithfully this year

Okay, I’m done. Yes, it comes down to the judges. Love to hear your thoughts!

Hate Veiled as Religion

2010-04-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of the Westboro Baptist Church? Well, let me provide you some details. They are an anti-gay church (which, yes, by definition many religions have that as their “official” stance) whose members’ favorite pastime is protesting at the funeral services of American soldiers. Why? Well, because American soldiers defend a country that supports homosexuality. (I bet I can find a bunch of homosexuals that would say, “uh, no we don’t live in a country that supports homosexuality—we can’t even get married in most states!”) However, that is beside the point. Let me list how many ways their conduct is wrong:
1)In the simplest terms—just downright callous and disrespectful.

2)Their website is actually www.godhatesfags.com. Okay, you know what God hates? Haters, that is what! How can you hide behind God and spew such hatred? Look, if you don’t like homosexuality—I won’t call you out on that. This is a free country—you have the right to agree or not to agree with someone’s lifestyle. However, you do not have the right to be judge and jury. I will not judge you because I disagree with your stance on homosexuality, but I will judge you for your lack of compassion, insensitivity and mob like mentality. Oh, and I will judge you for using God as a shield. The God I worship, would not be happy about that.

3)If you do not want soldiers protecting a country that supports homosexuality, why do you live in a country that “supports” it? Hey, we live in a free country remember? You can leave any time. Let me list a few of the countries you might feel more comfortable in because they are not tolerant of homosexuality and consider it a crime: Somalia, Sudan, Uganda, Afghanistan, Iran….just to name a few. Why don’t you pack your passports, bags and bibles and move out!

4)WWJD? He wouldn’t protest a funeral--that is for sure. A family is grieving over losing a young son/daughter, husband/wife, father/mother, they do not need publicity hungry hate mongers disturbing their worship. According to scripture, when Pontius Pilate asked the crowd who should be saved, Barrabas or Jesus, they chose Barrabas. Even then Jesus did not hate or judge. Why do you, members of the Westboro church?

I actually went to their website and took a peek at their picket schedule. Guess where they are heading in April? Virginia Tech. Yes, a week before the anniversary of the tragic shootings, they will be there protesting. These are quotes from their website regarding why they are at VT:
•“WBC to picket Virginia Tech to connect the dots. God sent the killer because of your proud sin!”
•“... they think fornication, adultery, and sodomy are all just in good fun (instead of the filthy practices they are), and that's why the wrath of God is on them. God is cursing you by killing those same children that you have lied to all their lives. VA Tech was just GodSmacked”

I support Freedom of Speech—whether it is speech I agree with or do not agree with. However, there is a time and a place. If they are so unhappy with laws and legislation, the most prudent place for them to protest would be at state capitals, Washington, etc. Not at a funeral.

The most dividing thing in this country is narrow-mindedness. It doesn’t matter if you are a Republican, a Democrat, a conservative, a liberal, a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim or an atheist…what matters is that you can keep your mind open and maintain more than a single focus. It is okay for us to disagree—what kind of boring world would we live in if we all were the same with the same ideas and beliefs? We need compassion, trust and a judgment free zone. It sickens me that this group claims to be spreading the word of any God. Actually, take God out of the picture. It sickens me that HUMANS (the one thing we all have in common) would create such a hostile environment on such a mournful day. I’m stepping out of my judgment free zone-to say that this is shameful and disappointing.

My Quest to Raise "Achievers"

2010-02-25T10:52:00.000-08:00

I struggled with the title of this blog. I’ve struggled with writing the blog. For months, I’ve wanted to tackle this topic but lacked the confidence to do it justice. I’m still not sure if I’m up to the task—but I will try. (Editors Note: I didn't do it justice--but I'm posting it anyway)

I wish my children had the opportunity to grow up in the 70’s and 80’s, like I did. I often wonder if my parents would‘ve said “I wish swirlgirl had the opportunity to grow up in the 50’s and 60’s. I bet they wouldn’t make that statement. Why do I wish that for my children? Mainly because I think the 21st century parent is insane. I grew up in simpler time.

Parents put so much pressure on kids today to excel in EVERYTHING! I think we should expect our kids to do their best—but we shouldn’t always expect them to do more and more and more and more. I remember when my daughter was in 3rd grade this conversation took place:

Other Mom: What activities is your daughter in?
Me: Well, she is a Girl Scout and she cheerleads in the fall.
Other Mom: Well, what else? Dance? A sport?
Me: Uh No. She tried dancing for a couple of years and didn’t want to continue and she is not into sports.
Other Mom: (Just a confused look on her face)
Me: My other daughter swims, plays basketball and softball.
Other Mom: (Lightbulb and smile) Oh, great.

You know that after that conversation she thought daughter one must have “issues”. Contrary, I think daughter one knows her boundaries and knows what she likes. A very stable outlook!

Seriously, I’ve heard other moms state that people look at them with three heads when they mention their child is only in one activity. Can you imagine a child that is NOT in soccer, learning Chinese, taking flute lessons, and creating her own website at age 7? Appalling!

I’m all for exposing children to many opportunities, but when is enough, enough? Why do parents have to push their kids so much farther than they were pushed? My kids are much older now and we face new challenges. Now you are looked at like a crazy person when you say you wish your kid had room to take a study hall in their schedule. Apparently, study halls are for future derelicts who will be begging for coins on the corner. Call me crazy, but I like a study hall. Our evenings are busy enough, if my kids can get some work done during school, I say TERRIFIC!!! Do I want them to have more than one study hall? Absolutely not. However, one is fine if the schedule allows it! The reaction to “I don’t mind them having one study hall” is almost the same reaction as if I said “My kids start their day with a hit of crack.” (I’m so out of it—can you even take a hit of crack?)

So, are my husband and I grooming underachievers? I don’t think so. I do think we are purposely raising ACHIEVERS and purposely and strategically not raising OVERACHIEVERS. Again, if you’ve read my blogs—I’m not judging you if you are purposely raising overachievers—just don’t judge my achievers! This is a lifestyle choice for my family. Here is what I want for my kids:

1. Happiness (priority number one)
2. Good Health
3. Confidence and a strong belief in who they are as a person.
4. Success (on THEIR terms—not mine! They can decide what success looks like for them and aim to achieve that level of success)
5. Balance. I want them to have a mix of fun, duty, and exposure to new things.
6. The ability to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously.

I’ve known parents that struggle over writing the perfect application for entry into a private kindergarten that will cost $15,000!! I know parents that pay $25,000 a year for an elementary school. I think that is great if you can afford it and you think that is the best thing for your child. However, I do take issue with the thought that a $15,000 kindergarten is the only way your child will get accepted to Yale. Slow down parents; take one year at a time! Why does every parent want their kid to go to the BEST college? I want my kids to go to the school that fits them best. I don’t care which school they choose, as long as it makes sense for them. I’ll admit, Yale will get your foot in the door—but it won’t keep you there. I worked in a department that the PHDs from elite schools were always let go because they were too academic for the corporate world. I’m not saying that is always the case. My point is there is not an “always” the case. Successful people graduate from a variety of colleges and have variety of academic backgrounds. Some successful people do not even have college degrees!

The person that I consider to be one of the most successful people I know, attended a two year community college and then attended a weekend college to achieve her bachelor’s degree. She did this while she was married, working and raising her children. In high school she was an average student I venture to guess her GPA was (at most) a 3.0. She now owns four OT/PT Clinics, has been happily married for 23 years and has two well-adjusted children. I know so many parents right now that would be (unfairly) disappointed if she was their high school child and was bringing home those average grades in average classes. However,those same parents would be extremely proud of her current life. In the real world your current actions are worth more than your background. One of the keys to my friend’s success is that she knew what she wanted to do with her life. She knew in high school she wanted to be an occupational therapist. I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. I found myself taking the practice LSAT the other day. I actually did pretty well. However, do I want to go through all the effort of law school, when I don’t even want to be a lawyer? I’ll figure out my next chapter in about three years when kids are off to college.

As a society, we are pushing and challenging our kids at younger and younger ages. When my daughter began cheerleading, the youngest group of girls was not allowed to do any “stunts” even the elementary ones that aren’t really stunts, but they look cute. Now, they can do a half-lift? So, does that mean in 15 years the 6 year olds will be doing full lifts and throws? When do we stop? I also think in 15 years our kids might be tackling calculus by 7th grade.

We need to let our kids fail sometimes. It is okay if your child comes home with a C or an F. It is a learning experience. I know parents that have wanted to switch their children from one class to another because they were receiving B’s instead of A’s. STOP THE MADNESS. Every student can’t get a 4.0. I question schools that have so many “fantastic” students!

We need to relax as parents. Our kids will do just fine if we give them the freedom to be who they are and do what they want. Our only rule in our house is that college is a must. After college, you can choose any profession you want (that is legal of course!). If you want to be a waiter, be a waiter. If you want to be a hairdresser, be a hairdresser. If you want to be a lawyer, be a lawyer. If you want to be a teacher, be a teacher. (You get the picture, right?)

Don’t plan out your child’s life when they’re born. Let them evolve.

(Follow Up comment: I'm all for overachieving and overachievers--when it comes naturally to the person. I believe it is a natural instinct vs. something that should be forced.)

"Tha Hangover" deserves an Oscar Nomination

2010-01-12T05:35:00.000-08:00

Although my title is clear and concise, prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of rants and tangents within this topic!

Yes, I think “The Hangover” should be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. What? No, I have seen the Oscars before. In fact, I watch them every year. It is my second favorite award ceremony to watch (Golden Globes are my favorite!). I know movies like “The Hangover” are not usually nominated, but I’m saying it is time. I don’t think it should win. If you’ve followed my blog, my tweets, my Facebook status’ you know I think “The Hurt Locker” is the best movie of the year. If that movie DOESN”T get nominated—I’ll be boiling mad. I might even make an idle threat not to watch this year!

Back to “The Hangover.” This movie is one of the funniest movies to be released in years. It is fresh and new. It is not a romantic comedy and it is not a silly slapstick movie. It is genuinely funny and surprising. Although, universal appeal is not a requirement for an Oscar nod, I am impressed by the universal appeal of this movie. I have yet to meet anyone, or read a FB status, tweet, etc. from anyone who has not thought this movie was uproariously funny. I’m sure there is one or two that exist, but I have not crossed paths with them. This movie is loved by men, women, young and old. For a comedy, that is unusual. My kids can’t stop singing the “Stu” song. (Note: this is an R rated movie--not for young kids!)

I think the Academy needs to drop its pretentious haughtiness and nominate this movie. The funny thing is --we all refer to “the academy” like they are this secret society of accomplished film makers. The academy is a very diverse group, so it is surprising when they fall into certain nominating patterns.

I think Zach Galifainakas should be nominated for a Supporting Actor nom. I also thought Gene Wilder was robbed in ’71. He definitely deserved a nomination for Willy Wonka—his performance in that movie was flawless. If you are offering an acting award it should be about the acting, not the movie. (Believe me—that is not a dig on Willy Wonka. Willy Wonka was an awesome movie!!!)

If this was a court of law, I would cite the 1966 Best Picture nominated film “The Russians Are Coming, The Russians are Coming” as a precedent for nominating “The Hangover.” At the time, TRCTRC was a groundbreaking funny movie. (Also, it is another one of my favorites.) Thankfully, the wonderful Alan Arkin was nominated for his portrayal of the Russian captain. He lost to Paul Scolfield for his role in “A Man for All Seasons.” However, Mr. Arkin was rightfully nominated. (Truth be told, I had a little crush on him when I was little.) Side rant— he was also FANTASTIC in the “The Defection of Simas Kudirkas” and “The In-Laws”. And…if you haven’t seen the movie “Poppi” try to find it on DVD. Okay, off my Alan Arkin rant.

Bottom line, if “The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming” (and other comedies such as “Tootsie” and “The Full Monty”) received the Oscar nod, the door is open for “The Hangover.” Okay, I know, at least the 1966 film presented a satirical view of the Cold War, but you could argue “The Hangover” is a poignant tale of loyalty and friendship. And hey, they touch on the War on Terror when “Alan” sarcastically thanks Bin Laden for limiting his airplane activities. (Okay, that point may not help my cause, since there are many "inappropriate" and some may say "vulgar" moments in the movie that are not typically included in Oscar films.)

My other wish for this year’s Oscars is that Jeremy Renner is nominated for “The Hurt Locker.” His performance was spot on! His co-stars are also worthy of a mention - Anthony Mackie and Brian Geraghty. If I believed in handing out Supporting Actor awards for 5 minute performances a la Judi Dench in “Shakespeare in Love.” I would say Guy Pearce should be nominated for “The Hurt Locker.” However, I think there are too many fantastic performances in a year to give the prestigious award to a 5 minute performance. Perhaps they should add a category, “Best Under 10min Performance.”

If “The Hangover” and “The Hurt Locker” are not nominated, it won’t be the first time that a movie is robbed of a nomination, IMHO. In 1989, I thought “Do the Right Thing” was worthy of a nomination. Spike Lee’s slice of life insight into Brooklyn was one of my favorite movies that year. However, as I look back at the competition, there were five solid movies nominated that year: My Left Foot, Born on the Fourth of July, Field of Dreams, Driving Miss Daisy, and Dead Poet’s Society. The statue went to Driving Miss Daisy. Daniel Day won for My Left Foot (definitely deserved), however if I had to take out one movie for “Do The Right Thing” in, it might be “My Left Foot.” Great movie and great story—but I think “Do The Right Thing” was a better overall film.

We will know the nominees on January 22. It has been a good year for movies, so I won’t hold my breath for “The Hangover” but I will hold out hope. Don’t forget to watch The Golden Globes this Sunday!! (Go “The Hurt Locker” for drama and “The Hangover” for Comedy/Musical)

Random Oscar Notes:
•Perennial nominees are a drag. (Actors nominated for almost any role they’re in e.g. Jack Nicholson. He is a great actor but I think other performances are sometimes overlooked when a perennial fave has a movie out. Don’t get me started on the overrated and over awarded movie “As Good As It Gets”—for which Jack took home the prize that year.
•I love the Lee Marvin win for “Cat Ballou”. Great performance!!! (Love that movie too!)
•Surpised “Towering Inferno” and “Working Girl” both garnered Best Picture noms.
•Loved the nomination for “Babe”
•I loved that an animated feature was finally nominated, however, wasn’t super happy about it being “Beauty and the Beast. I love a Disney movie—but that is my least favorite.
•I think Johnny Depp is becoming a perennial favorite. However, I do think one of his best performances was in Donnie Brasco. DB was overlooked in 1997.(Same year as “As Good As It Gets” and a little film called “Titanic”) It also was a great performance for Al Pacino.. I would’ve liked to see AP win for that versus “Scent of a Woman.”
•Tommy Lee Jones should’ve won for Best Supporting Actor for “JFK.” (Although, I could be contradicting myself, it was a small role—but if I remember correctly, it was longer than 5 minutes.)

The Best and Worst of 2009

2009-12-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

2009 started off for me, right where 2008 left off. My father passed away in December of 2008 and on January 2, 2009 we took my mom to the Emergency room. She passed away 24 days later. It is hard to mention these two losses without mentioning that in December of 2007, my nephew passed away quite unexpectedly. My mantra after my nephew’s passing was “2008 has to be a better year”. My mantra after my father’s passing was “2009 has to be a better year.” After my mom’s passing, I gave up on mantras.

So, you can glean the worst of 2009 for me. Could there be a best after all of that? Yes, out of darkness there is always light. I don’t believe I’ve been one to take my friends and family for granted. However, when you are in the midst of foggy grief, endless trips to the hospital, making life decisions you’d never, ever wish upon anyone, you do truly realize how the connections you make in life are a true life support system for you. I’ve always been cognizant of how wonderful my friends and family are, but during that time, all their lights shined on for miles. I realized how blessed I truly am. So, personally, I’ve experienced the worst through loss and the best through the lights of all my friends and family.

Now, I need to lighten up the mood and share what I think is the Best and Worst of 2009 in the world around us. I tried to avoid many of the obvious choices, however, some are listed with my own twist!

Best of 2009—(not in any particular order):
The World of Entertainment
• LOST returns for a fantastic season! Thank you Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. I’d also like to mention that Matthew Fox does not get enough credit for his acting. I know some people think his character is annoying—but I think his acting is on the mark!
• Seinfeld Reunion on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” - TV at its absolute best!!! Kudos to Larry David and the entire cast! If you are Seinfeld fan, it should not be missed! Now I just need Aaron Sorkin to film a semi-autobiographical sitcom so I can stop holding my breath for a “Sports Night” reunion!
• “The Hurt Locker”- I said it before, I’ll say it again—best movie of the year.
• Glee—although sometimes I think it crosses an unnecessary line—it is fresh and new for network TV!
• Bones – continues to entertain. I often drop one hour shows after about season three because they become uninteresting and formulaic. (Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy…) However, I still cannot get enough of Bones!!! Thanks to the amazing writing and the amazing cast!
• Friday Night Lights is still surviving!! Yipee! Why this show does not receive more nominations is beyond me. The writing and acting are fantastic!
• The Office—Jim and Pam’s Wedding! Woot! Woot!! Great fun!
• Community and Modern Family—great new sitcoms!
• Here’s What…@Bravo Andy hosts a weekly show!! Just wish it was on at 11pm vs. Midnight!! (Okay, so I’m getting older…..)

The World Outside of Entertainment
• Twitter(new to me as a user in ’09) At first, I didn’t get the purpose. Now that I get it, I’m addicted. Best three folks to follow: @HartHanson, @JoshMalina and @JackGrayCNN. Their wit and insight brighten my day.
• Our first African-American President is elected. Politics aside that was a great moment for American history. Even my staunch conservative uncle, who is not an Obama fan (Calling him “not a fan” is cushioning the reality of his dislike for Obama’s politics) sent an email on January 20, 2009 saying what a great day for the history of our country. Now we just need a woman president!! (Of course--only if she is the right person for the job!)
• A gutsy pilot, a plane and the Hudson River. Captain Sullenberger and Flight 1549—an amazing story that captivates us because we all fear flying at least a tad. This story gives us hope.
• Girl, 14, rescued after Yemeni plane crashes in Indian Ocean. This is a story I still cannot believe. A plane crashes into the ocean and everyone dies except one 14 year old girl. How does that happen? Truly a miracle! I hope she is doing well, I’m sure she can’t believe it herself.
• Jacoby Ellsbury Steals Home!!! How cool!!
• Los Angeles Anaheim Angels—Entire starting lineup bats at .300 or above at one point.
• My friend’s brother battles cancer and wins!!!
• My niece battles cancer and wins!!!
• Beyonce’s Grace.
• Connecting with friends on Facebook!
• My daughter takes a passionate interest in something……(See the Worst)

Worst of 2009 (Not in any particular order)
• Her passion? Justin Bieber. Don’t get me wrong, he seems like a very respectable, humble, nice young man. I just wish as much thought and concern went into her math homework as it does for strategically placing hundreds of Bieber pictures on her wall.
• Jay Leno continues his show. I won’t elaborate, previous blogs explain it all. (Ha Ha Time Magazine—I guess he didn’t change the face of television!)
• “Partisanship” within our government and within our press is becoming trite and completely ineffective.
• Balloon Boy’s parents. It is sad that the drive for fame blinded the parents to the consequences of the stunt to their children and potentially to those trying to “save” their son. (P.S. My addiction to Twitter had me right on top of the story. @JackGray(CNN) posted it and I turned the TV to CNN to watch and pray for the boy!)
• Tiger’s fall from grace. I know we are all sick of the story and the family should be able to deal with it in privacy. However, as a student of human behavior, I find it fascinating--famous or not famous. One or two “indiscretions” one could argue that might not be so uncommon. However, 12 to 18 indiscretions in a four year period? Also, many of those “indiscretions” were actually “relationships” not simply one night stands. I find it all fascinating—the double life and the power of money. A truly great case study.
• SwirlGirl is put on cholesterol lowering medicine. My only saving grace is that Anderson Cooper mentioned he was on Lipitor. Oddly, that makes me feels a little bit better.
• Kanye’s lack of common sense and humility.
• As I write this, a new story is explaining how a man stole the St. Jude’s Collection Money from a convenient store. That is pretty low.
• This year we lost many notable people: Ted Kennedy, Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett, Patrick Swayze, John Hughes, Natasha Richardson, Brittany Murphy and so many more.
• Certain Hollywood heavies actually stick up for Roman Polanski. (Please read earlier blogs if you want to hear more of how I feel about Mr. Polanski. Actually, the topic of RP was my first blog.)
• The story of the Salvation Army worker who was killed during an attempted robbery is one of the saddest stories I’ve heard. It is one of the stories that leaves you asking "Why?" It happened Christmas Eve. If you haven’t heard about it, please search "thestar.com". I tried to add the link, but it did not work.
• Oprah calls it quits. Bummer, but I get it. I’ll elaborate in 2011.

I wish everyone a fantastic (dare I say better?) 2010!!

Money, Money, Money

2009-11-16T14:34:00.000-08:00

Money is a controversial topic. People think some have too much and most think they do not have enough. I think money issues boil down to personal priorities. I also think people shouldn’t talk about their lack of money or their abundance of money. Money issues are all relative. A family that lives in house that costs $900,000 can be in as much debt or money troubles as a person who lives in a house that costs $100,000. Also, a person who lives in a $100,000 house may be in much better financial shape compared to someone who lives in a $900,000 house. It boils down to how you manage your money. My husband’s grandfather used to say “Just because you spend a lot of money, doesn’t mean you have a lot of money.”--So true.

What frustrates me most about money? People who complain about not having enough, yet they seem to have a lot of stuff. I believe you do not have the right to complain about not being able to afford this or that if you meet 2 of the following criteria:

1.You or your partner has NOT recently lost your job. (e.g. your income remains unchanged)
2.You own a Coach purse.
3.You go for manicures and/or pedicures more than twice per year.
4.Your child wears a pair of UGGs or Emus or any brand of boot that cost more than $80.
5.You have more than 1 computer in your house.
6.There are more than 2 iPods in your household.
7.You have a gaming system in your house.
8.You contribute to a college savings account.
9.You own a house with a 3 car garage or you own a 2nd home.

I actually think I’m being generous. I almost put, “if you own a house.” So, I’ve turned half of you off now, right? Well, read carefully. I’m not judging you if you meet all of these criteria. I meet 6 out of the 9 criteria. I don’t care what you spend your money on; I also don’t care if you spend beyond your means. What I care about is you being out of touch with society and complaining about not being able to afford a night out to dinner or a weekend away! It is all a matter of how you prioritize your spending. You can afford to eat out and go on a vacation—you just need to prioritize differently. Personally, second to the essential needs of life, vacation is my next priority. I’d live without furniture, new shoes, and yes even my iPod, to go on a vacation. (Truthfully, I’d live without my kids’ college savings fund—but that just wouldn’t be nice. Would it? Anyone?)

Now, many different types of people can meet 2 out the 9 above. I’m willing to bet I can find people who meet 2 out of the 9 above who live below the poverty line and of course, those who live well above the poverty line. This is what I mean by “it is all relative and comes down to how you spend your money.” What do you give top priority?

(Okay, no jokesters. I get it if you say you can’t afford a $10,000 African Safari or $50,000/year college tuition. Although, also relative, I might not get it if Paris Hilton says that while parading around in her $10,000 outfit!)

Some people have difficult choices to make every day. Choices likes “Can I afford the extra money to buy ingredients to make a birthday cake for my daughter? Or “Can I afford the $10 for my son to go on his school field trip? Those are the tough choices, not whether I can get a pedicure this week. I just think we get caught up in our own economic realities and forget what our problems might seem like to others.

I’m also not saying you should feel guilty about how you spend your money. You’ve worked hard for your money; you have the choice to spend it on whatever you want. Remember when you were a kid and you didn’t want to finish your meal? Your mom would say “There are people in Africa starving and you won’t eat.” “Well, I’m’ sorry mom. If I could Fedex this food to them I would, but I am full!” We do not need to feel guilty about what we have. (Whether we live in a society of excess is a different blog! Although, I will give you a clue as to how I feel. We do. And I am shamefully guilty of partaking in the excesses.) However, I do think if you can meet 2-3 of the above criteria—you should be socially conscious and donate some money to a worthy cause of your choice or at least pick at tag or two from a Giving Tree during the holidays.

I know, I sound judgmental. For those who know me, you know I hate to be judgmental. So I want to clarify my point—I don’t care if you get a pedicure twice a week—just don’t complain about not being able to buy your kids a school sweatshirt if you are getting pedicures twice a week!!! Do you get the point?

I think my feelings stem from growing up with my Dad. He would never say he couldn’t afford something. He grew up very poor. Breakfast for him consisted of coffee with crackers and lunch was mayonnaise between two pieces of bread. So, he worked hard to afford things for his family that he didn’t have as a child. So, as a matter of pride, I don’t think he uttered those words until the latter part of his life. (Even if he couldn’t afford something, he wouldn’t verbalize it)

Also, for those who know me, you know I am horrible at prioritizing my spending. The difference is, I will not complain about not having the money to do something. I may say I don’t think doing X is worth X amount of money. I’ll complain about the “value” of something or I might say, “I’m not willing to pay that.” Affording something is complex and personal. Some people consider they can “afford” it if they still have room on their credit card and others simple consider what they can “afford” by the amount of money in their bank account.

I guess it also comes down to honesty. I think some people use the words “I can’t afford it” as an excuse so they do not have to tell their friends, “I really don’t want to do that.” I guess if you fall into that boat, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m always for honesty, it is not always easy. I’d just come up with a better excuse.

Bottom line, be thankful for what you have and if you want something, think about how you can manage your money to get it!

November Thoughts

2009-11-05T11:06:00.000-08:00

Women Attacked by Chimp Sues CT for $150,000
I think this chimp attack was horrific. I do not know the chimp owner—but based on some stories that appeared in the press, I don’t think it is a stretch to say she had an unusual love for her chimp. I also do not know the woman attacked, however, from what I’ve read she was the woman’s friend and she often visited the woman and her chimp. In my opinion, if you frequently visited the chimp, it is questionable as to how fair is to now say the state should’ve taken action sooner.
Do I think the state should’ve taken action sooner? Probably. If they were aware of the chimp and the chimp’s escapades, action might have been a good idea. Let’s face it; you don’t usually see chimps driving cars. Alone. By themselves. Without a human in the car. With a human in the car, perhaps, but without, never.
I think this lawsuit now stands in a long line of lawsuits in our country that answers the question “Do you think we have a case?” vs. “Does it make sense and is this right thing to do?” I wonder what the victim’s opinion of her friend’s pet was prior to the accident. If she did visit the friend often, I’m led to believe she liked the chimp and supported her friend.
I know the victim’s life, and her family’s life, has been changed forever. I want you know, I feel for her and wish her the best. I just don’t think suing the state for $150,000,000 is the right answer. I understand that lawsuits like this one potentially serve a valiant purpose. “…if we sue the state now, hopefully this will not happen to another person.” I get that, but start with a lower number. This number just makes the suit seem ridiculous. It does get attention and perhaps that is the point However, aren’t we all becoming desensitized to sensationalism?

Obama and Fox News
Stop crying Mr. President and Mr. President’s staff. I don’t like Fox News either, but thank God, our Forefathers, Veterans, Soldiers and every American that came before us, that we live in a country with FREEDOM of SPEECH! Don’t get all dictatorship on us! George Bush didn’t wine about MSNBC ‘s Olberman , Maddow and others. We having an expression in our family when we think someone is becoming too sensitive about a topic…we simply say “SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. To the current administration, I say “SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.”

News In General
Okay, as I said in “Obama and Fox News”, I don’t care for Fox News. I should specifically say I don’t care for certain commentators (their not newscasters, remember) like Sean Hannity and Glen Beck. In fairness, I also do not care for MSNBC’s Keith Olberman and Rachel Maddow. They are all extremely “closed-minded”. Yes, even liberals can be closed-minded. When all you see is what you want to see—you have closed your mind. These people “act” as if we live in a black and white world—well we don’t. I wish people would get over that. We live in a world of gray. There are always, at least, two sides to every story. This type of media divides our country. They “rally” their troops with their sensationalized thoughts and ideas. Rush Limbaugh is the worst. In fact, he is in a category all to himself. He presents his thoughts and ideas with rancid venom. I wish as a nation, as humans, we could just try to look at every issue from multiple perspectives and then come to our OWN conclusions.
So, I don’t watch either of the networks mentioned. If I want “news” I rely on CNN for news (not commentary), my local stations, the internet and yes, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Parenting in the Age of the Internet
Okay parents, time to get a grip. (My kids absolutely hate when I say “get a grip”) Our children are growing up within a different time and culture. Is it good or bad? It really doesn’t matter because IT IS. We need to adapt. We also need to pay attention to every teachable moment. As parents, we still influence behavior. Are you on FaceBook? If not, you should be. Join it because it is fun and you will learn a great deal about the generation creeping up behind us. I am friends with my kids on FaceBook. It was a condition for them to open their accounts. I have not asked one of their friends to be my friend. Many of my friends did ask my children to be their friends. I told my kids, they only needed to accept my friendship request; they do not have to accept my friends. (They did, but I will say, a little hesitantly).
Since I am friends with them, I can often see pictures from other friends. (I don’t know if everyone realizes this, but if one of my friends is tagged in a photo, I receive notification.) So, I’ve witnessed cruel and crass comments made by other middle/high schoolers on some photos. I use those instances as “teachable moments”. I start a discussion with my kids and explain why I think the comments are inappropriate. They roll their eyes and say “But Mom, we didn’t make the comments.” I explain that we are having the discussion in hopes they that never do make such comments. I heard one parent describing her displeasure regarding the discipline her daughter received at school with respect to something she posted on Facebook. Perhaps the punishment was too harsh, I don’t know. However, never did I hear the Mom say “I know my daughter shouldn’t have posted it, and we discussed why it was wrong.” Hopefully, this did happen. I live by a philosophy at home and work, when something negative happens, one of the first questions you should ask yourself is “How did I contribute to this situation?” As parents, as wonderful as we think our children are—we need to ask “How did they contribute to this situation.” We need to teach accountability. I see parents often excusing their kid’s behavior. You have to call your kids on behavior you don’t like. You have to model the behavior you want.
Okay, I’m going to stop here, because I’m feeling too preachy. I’m not trying to preach and God knows, I’m not an expert at parenting. I don’t think that expertise exists. All we can do is our best attempt at raising responsible, accountable and respectful adults. (Now that is a job that deserves a bonus!)

Oh wait…I want to share a few things I’ve learned about the generation creeping up behind us. (This is not all from being friends with my kids, but I am friends with other family members of a young age too)

• They are not afraid to post swears on line for all to see. Don’t get me wrong, I swore in high school too (in fact, I still do sometimes) I just knew when and where to swear. I didn’t swear in front of adults, teachers, children, in public at the grocery store for all to hear….which is essentially the same thing as posting it on FaceBook.
• Girls are very insecure. When their friends post pictures they have to profess how gorgeous the girl is over and over and over again. I’ve actually seen “I wish I was as pretty as you.” Gag me with a spoon!!! (Okay, yes, I am that old). One thread of multiple girls praising the beauty of another girl really made me sad. Reasons it made me sad: One, that they valued looks so much; two that they seemed not to value their own looks; and three, that the praise for this girl almost seemed to come from a “needy” state. They “needed” to praise her to feel good or to be accepted.
• Young kids post way too much about their love lives. They profess their love, their fears, their needs, etc. Keep this between you, your boyfriend and your CLOSE friends, not the entire world on FB! (Don’t get me wrong, I like reading it—but really, some things should not be for public consumption)
• Kids are unintentionally hurtful. (Yes, some are intentionally hurtful but that is another story). For a generation growing up with wonderful technology, they don’t seem to get it. I’ve seen someone mention by name a girl that they apparently didn’t think to be pretty. (solely based on the comment made, which I will not repeat) The person who named this girl most likely was not FB friends with the girl. However, like I said, I had access to these posts because my niece was in one of the pictures. I was able to view the pictures and all the comments. I’m sure the girl that was named, who was in their grade eventually had the same access through one of her friends. (Another great teachable moment)

Okay, now I’m really done!

Local Politics

2009-10-16T13:56:00.000-07:00

Tee Hee! LOL! I heard the funniest thing today. SW Republicans list as one of their accomplishments increased standardized testing scores! Are you kidding me? Sorry, politcians, you had nothing to do with it. Despite your best efforts in cutting teachers and education programs, the teachers, administration and STUDENTS succeeded. NOT YOU! I feel I have the right to pin the teacher and program cuts on you since you listed those two items as accompishments in your newsletter too. I'm neither a Republican or a Democrat (and I'll tell you, living in this town will drive anyone away from a major party!) I'm just an "interested" party who thinks the politics in this town is out of control. I've been asked to run for positions by both parties and I will never do it. I might run as independent one day or a part of the new party organized in town. I am glad to see some fresh faces up for election this year. Since I'm an equal opportunity critic, I also LOL when I read that some Democrat candidates list their years of service in office as a "plus". Sorry, not a plus to me. We need to shake this town up!!! This is not meant to be personal against anyone, I like many of these people, HOWEVER, it is time for a change.

What Did Barack Obama Do?

2009-10-09T07:12:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama was announced today as the Nobel Peace Prize recipient. My reaction was, "Huh?"

Before I begin this rant, let me state that I am neither an Obama Hater, nor an Obama Lover. I am an Obama supporter. I voted for Obama. I still believe that I voted for the best choice available to me. I think we as a society need to strive to keep an open mind. I am frightened by the hatred many people feel toward Obama, however, I am equally frightened by those who seem to "idolize" him. I think both are dangerous because the haters will never see any good and those who idolize him will never see any bad. Obama has the hardest job in this country, some might argue the world. He will do some right and he will do some wrong. We should ALL be rooting for him to do more right....it impacts all of our lives. (All of the above is why I am neither a Repbulican nor a Democrat. I am proud to be unaffiliated. I think the two party system is ruining and dividing our country. A rant will save for later...)

Now, back to the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm not clear on what Obama did to win this honor. I believe his goal is to work towards Peace, but not sure has made an inch of progress so far. So, I researched the Nobel Peace Prize. According to the AP, it is a myth that someone needs to have made progress in peace efforts to win the prize. The AP stated, "...more often, the prize is awarded to encourage those who receive it to see the effort through, sometimes at critical moments." So, yes, Obama fits that criterion, particularly the "critical moments" piece. However, I suspect other World Leaders fit this criterion too. Granted, people often call the President of the United States the "most powerful position in the world," so that beefs up Obama's realm of influence on Peace. I would argue we shouldn't think of POTUS as the most powerful position in the world. (We'll save that for a rant to be named later.)

I continued my research. I read the names of the past recipients and why they won. Well, I think the AP statement of "more often" was overstated. Most of the recipients demonstrated specific actions and work that worked towards Peace or brought awareness to global issues that impact Peace. So, I am back to thinking, "Why Obama?" The Norwegian Nobel Committee state he was awarded this honor for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.:" Could they share a list of his "extraordinary efforts." during his Presidency or even since he was catapulted onto the radar screen of the world? I don't believe a few great speeches and an inspiring book count as "extraordinary efforts." I believe he has the potential to make extraordinary efforts on this front, I just think this award might be a few years too early. The nomination deadline for this prize is February 1st. Just adds more mystery to the "Why?"

You might ask yourself, "SwirlGirl, why do you care?" I care because everyday there are people on this planet working toward Peace. As I reveiwed the list of names of Nobel Peace Prize recipients, I certainly saw names that I recognized (Carter, Anan, Tutu, Kissinger, Sadat, Gorbachev, King, etc.) I also saw names I didn't recognize (Aung San Suu Kyi, Joseph Rotblat, Betty Williams, Mairead Corrigan, etc.). I care because I hope someone unknown wasn't overlooked for their truly extraoridnary effort for someone who has the potential to perform extraordinary effort.

POST RANT NOTE: Currently watching Obama's press conference on topic. He handled it well...stated he feels he doesn't belong in the company of previous recipients and sees this as a call to action to build momentum.
ANOTHER POST RANT NOTE: Someone objectively stated on a news show "this feels like a we're glad you are not George Bush award"---it does feel a bit like that. Which isn't right either.

Dave, Dave, Dave

2009-10-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

I know everyone has been waiting for me to comment on Dave Letterman's recent "legal" issues. (Tee Hee, like how I pretend I actually have many followers waiting in anticipation for each and every post?)

Before I begin--these are my true ramblings of random thoughts and disconnected rants! So I apologize now if you find it hard to follow!

Some of you may know that Letterman is one of my favorites. He is one of 3 people I choose when people ask "Which famous person would you invite to dinner?" Before I address his recent headlines....let me explain to you why I like Dave so much (which includes an explanation of why I am NOT a Jay fan)

Okay, I've watched Letterman since he had a morning show back in the early 80's. (Prior to him getting the post Tonight Show gig) He is funny. I think many people do not get his humor. Aside from being funny, he has a talent that many talk show hosts lack (JAY), he is extremely adept at interviewing people. He actually listens to people and reacts to them. Yes, there are times when an interview goes off kilter--but usually because the guest is off-kilter (Crispin Glover, Joaquin Phoenix). Surprisingly, his best interviews are with non-Hollywood celeb types. His interviews with Brokaw, Rumsfeld, Clinton, etc. are not to be missed. He really gets to the heart of important issues. Dave truly changed after his heart surgery, I liked him prior to that but liked him 10x more after that. He is a rich celeb who is still in touch with the real world.

Okay, what is my beef with Jay? We all know that Jay was chosen over Dave for the Tonight's Show spot. Lets be clear, this was not Johnny's choice. (Johnny Carson--one of my all time favorites!) I don't really understand how Johnny didn't have final say--but the network wanted Jay. (Similar to how "supposedly" the network wanted Jay to leave his Tonight Show so Conan could attract younger viewers??? I don't buy that one--why would you want the guy who is #1 to leave--doesn't make any sense) Jay may be a funny stand up--but he is HORRIBLE at interviewing people. All questions always come back Jay. Jay, it is not about you, it is about your guest. He may be the hardest working man in show business but I think that is a major flaw for his profession. Too much work, not enough life. Okay, so I used to watch Jay when he had a good guest on (and a show based in CA typically has more access to bigger names). However, I do not watch Jay anymore. When he pontificated 3 years ago about how he was going to be the bigger person and announce his successor so that there was no mystery and no hard feelings like when he was announced and their were hurt feelings (referring to Dave), I had enough. Does he need to bring that up? First, totally different situation. Jay, you never took a day off or vacation so there were no opportunities for guest hosts, etc. Conan was the obvious choice. He consistently seized opportunities to make himself look like the good guy when he was awarded the job as Tonight Show host. I smell a rat when people feel the need to make themselves look good.

The last straw: Jay doesn't want to leave TV. Big surprise. So, he threatens to leave the network and compete in a time slot against Conan. Network says, lets put Jay in prime time. So, all that pontificating about being the bigger person goes down the drain in my opinion. Although they are on the same network, he is competing against Conan! His show is exactly the same format and it is on earlier--people do not have to stay up late. That is so wrong on so many levels. I can't believe Newsweek (or Time) had him on the cover claiming "Jay is changing network television". He changed his time slot folks, that is it.

I know I've digressed, but let me leave you with this thought on the subject: During Johnny Carson's retirement he would call Dave and provide him with jokes for his monologue--he never did this for Jay.

Now to Dave.....
I'm going to have chunk out my opinions on his latest "legal" situation:

Dave, Dave, Dave....does it disappoint? A little. For me it is disappointing b/c it gives all the Dave haters more ammunition. Is it any of my business? No. As far as his indiscretions, that is a moral issue, he did not commit a crime. I try not to judge others based on my values, especially when I do not have any facts. I can choose not to associate with people b/c they may not share my values, etc. but who am I to judge? (If they break a law--that is different, Mr. Polanski)
I do applaud Dave for getting ahead of the story. What else could he do right? Well, ask John Edwards, Spitzer, etc. b/c no one advised them to get ahead of the story. That is why they lost so much respect. (Well, Spitzer is in a different category--his hypocrisy lost my respect--he led the charge to stop prostitution--while he was using the services of a prostitute????)
Ironically, when Stephanie Burkitt appeared on the show during the earlier part of this decade, I used to think to myself "she and Dave would make a good couple" They had the same dry wit.
Facts--we have little facts in this case. I don't think "we" are owed the facts--but since people are making judgements without facts, I'll throw my two cents in. We do not "when" these affairs occurred and Regina and Dave had "breaks" during that 23 year period.
National Organization of Women - they stated that Dave has created a "toxic" work environment. They say this based purely on the fact that he dated people that worked for him. I think that his harsh. Sometimes, I think NOW needs to settle. Yes, thank goodness they exist, but like any organized group, originally created with a great purpose, they get lost a bit. So many of Dave's staffers have been with him for 10, 20, almost 30 years. Most people do not stay that long in a toxic environment. Where was NOW when he was dating his current wife Regina (a former staffer) or his previous long time girlfriend (also a former staffer)? Is it okay to date a staffer if you eventually marry them? I think the entertainment industry is different than most--the culture is much different than Corporate America. Personally, I don't think you should date employees, but sometimes it happens. It can happen in a way that is not toxic.
I think it is ironic that Dave is on CBS, whose CEO is married to an employee. (Les Moonves and Julie Chen). I'm sure when they first starting dating--there was not full disclosure to everyone. Lets face it, when people first start to date, they do not want the world to know--especially when you are in the public eye.
The lawyer for the alleged blackmailer keeps saying that when we go to trial we will prove Dave sexually harassed employees. Dude, I'm no lawyer--but that is totally irrelevant to your case. Whether Dave did or did not sexually harass employees has nothing to do with your guy blackmailing him. Usually, the blackmailer is right about their accusations, doesn't change the fact that THEY BROKE THE LAW!
Again, not my business, but I am hoping Dave's indiscretions occurred prior to Harry's birth. Otherwise, my opinion of his character might go down a little.

Polanski, Part II

2009-09-30T05:36:00.000-07:00

If you have yet to read my post from 9/29, please read that first.

Okay, if I hear one more time how Roman Polanski's sexual interaction was "consensual" or not "rape rape" I'm going to lose it. She WAS DRUGGED!!!! Impossible for it to be a consensual situation when you've altered the mind of the other person. Also, I was a 13 year old girl once, I've raised 13 year old girls--they do not want to have sex with 44 year old men! Seriously. Even if it is Brad Pitt--they may think he is cute--but 98% of 13 year old girls would not want THAT to happen. As for the other 2%---a 44 year old should still not take advantage of a situation with a CHILD!

P.S. I'm boycotting movies by anyone who signs the petition in support of Polanski. So far, I can no longer see Scorsese, Demme and Lynch films. (Woody Allen has been on my boycott list for years!)

Mr. Polanski, What If It Was Your Child.....

2009-09-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

I am outraged by the callous ignorance displayed by seemingly respectable and intelligent people in this world. Roman Polanski committed a crime. In my book, the worst crime possible, a crime against a child. He is not presumed innocent, he pleaded guilty and therefore is found guilty. After his conviction (and alleged misconduct from a judge) he ran, like a coward. An entitled coward. Yes, his early life was rough and tragic. However, that is not a get out of jail free card. He drugged a child and forced her to perform sexual acts---in what world do we live in that we can simply excuse this because he is a renowned director who had a tough life?

I'm also incensed by the support he has been given. I remember when he won the Oscar a few years ago. It sickened me to see people I respect stand up and applaud his win. I've never seen the movie, I never will. I will not give him a dime. I've lost respect for any actor who has chosen to work with him. I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but where do we draw the line? If there was one more victim, would that make a difference? If Jaycee Dugard's tormentor Phillip Garrido let her go and did not hold her captive, would he be above justice? NO! Where, and what line is this that we are drawing for Mr. Polanski?

Alex Kelly hid in Europe for eight years after he was accused of rape. No one cried for him when he returned to face his charges after eight years. So, is it Roman's status as a director that makes him diffferent? A crime is crime, regardless of who commits it.

Many supporters argue that the victim has forgiven him and does not want to press charges. Well guess what? Forgiveness is an emotional act, not a legal act. I commend her for her ability to forgive--that is a vital process for a victim to go through to move on with their life. However, forgiveness does not equal punishment for a crime. Every day States press charges even when victims do not want to, this is not out of the norm.

The French Culture Minister stated, "In the same way that there is a generous America that we like, there is also a scary America, and that has just shown its face." Are you kidding me? Seriously? This is not a political issue. Mr. French Culture Minister, I think your views on this are scary. This is not a little mistake to brush away. I know Europeans are culturally less uptight than Americans about sex, BUT we are talking about a child who was DRUGGED and forced into a situation she did not choose! This should not be swept under the rug.

If we sweep this under the rug and buckle under international pressure on this, we are telling all young children out there that this is potentially happening to--that we don't care. We have to punish these crimes so children feel they have a voice.

Mr. Polanski, Mr. French Culture Minister, Ms. Debra Winger, if your child was drugged and forced to have sex, would you feel differently about justice being served?

Follow Up to Blog:
Okay, if I hear one more time how Roman Polanski's sexual interaction was "consensual" or not "rape rape" I'm going to lose it. She WAS DRUGGED!!!! Impossible for it to be a consensual situation when you've altered the mind of the other person. Also, I was a 13 year old girl once, I've raised 13 year old girls--they do not want to have sex with 44 year old men! Seriously. Even if it is Brad Pitt--they may think he is cute--but 98% of 13 year old girls would not want THAT to happen. As for the other 2%---a 44 year old should still not take advantage of a situation with a CHILD!

P.S. I'm boycotting movies by anyone who signs the petition in support of Polanski. So far, I can no longer see Scorsese, Demme and Lynch films. (Woody Allen has been on my boycott list for years!)