The Facebook Clown Police

Oh, how I have wanted to write this blog forever.  However, I have been hesitant.  I know some of you may recognize yourself and I do not want to offend anyone.  However, remember, these are just my opinions.  My opinions should not hurt anyone’s feelings; I should not have that power.  In addition, I am not delusional.  I know very few people read my blog! 

First, let me say overall, I love Facebook!  I truly enjoy hearing what new restaurant you’ve tried, I love seeing your first day of school pictures, vacation pictures and I enjoy reading about funny stories that happen in your everyday life. And contrary to public opinion of FB—I don’t even mind looking at pictures of your food!   I especially enjoy connecting with family and friends that I do not see on a regular basis.  That part of FB has been invaluable to me!  However, I think there should be a Facebook police squad.  They could enforce the rules in a fun way.  When someone breaks a “Facebook” rule a funny clown should appear on their screen with a caption that says “Are you sure you want to post that?”  Look, you are going to read this and say “Who does she think she is?  Do you think we enjoy when she posts an old song from the 80’s? Or, tells us for the 89^th time that she is cleaning her closet?”  I realize I make you all cringe sometimes too.  Facebook has its advantages and disadvantages. 

Here are some of the posts I would include as offenses to Facebook.  I also think you would be given X number of times before the clown pops up.  I do not mind the occasional breaking of the rules, but there are some MEGA repeat offenders out there! We are all human and will post something we later wish we did not.  If the Facebook Clown Police were on the job, maybe we would all harbor fewer regrets. 

Passive/Aggressive Posts

Listen, if you are going to post something, either post the entire story or do not post anything at all.  Better yet, confront the person you have an issue with directly vs. posting it on Facebook.  People create such posts for two reasons:  they want the person they are mad or upset with to see it and they want other people to comment and say things like “you are so nice, how could anyone be mean to you?” Prior to Facebook, where did you get your validation from?  Examples of PA posts:  “I give and I give and I am just taken advantage of” or “Some people never cease to amaze to me.”

Do not air your dirty laundry on Facebook

Remember how above I said tell the entire story? Well, I really didn’t mean it.  Do not air your dirty laundry on Facebook.  If you need to post it, if it makes you feel better just to get it out—post it so only you can see it.  (You can customize every post and specify who can see it).  Hopefully, you will feel the cathartic release you need—but you will not be subjecting your dirty laundry for all to see.  Think about it, would you stand in your town center and scream the details out loud for all to hear?  That is what you are doing on FB.  Let’s face it—you do not really have 400 close friends.  Many of those friends are simply acquaintances or people you have not seen since the third grade! 

Seflies! Aagh!

Okay, if you are older than 15—STOP with the selfies.  Seriously, if you want people to tell you how pretty you are or how young you look—just ask them.  I suppose a few selfies in a year is not a bad thing—but the typical selfie poster posts a new selfie at least once a week!  Seriously, when I turn on my camera and it is in selfie mode—I scream!!!  I scare myself! It is one thing if you are taking a selfie with the Lincoln Monument or Mt. Rushmore in the background—that is cool—but when you are by yourself in your living room?  I don’t get it. Especially when the next day a new one comes up—and guess what?  You are by yourself in your living room.

Chill With the Share Button

There should be a limit on how many “shares” a person can post a day. I would cap it at two.  I know people who reach at least 10 in a day.   I literally do not even read them anymore (or maybe ever).  If it is a quote, cartoon, etc. I just keep scrolling.  I will click on something once I’ve noticed a few people have posted it.  We know you love your kids, your sisters, your brothers, your cousins, your plumbers and newspaper carriers.  No need to post a lengthy quote to prove it.  If you are feeling a special kinship to a friend or loved one—post it to their wall or send them a private message--this will mean something to them. Better yet, use your own words to express how you feel.   Also, for you passive aggressive posters, no need to post the passive aggressive cartoons/quotes to express how frustrated you are with a friend or partner.  We already gleamed that through your posts!!!  (This also includes hot bodies, cute animals and all the jokes about how stupid people are!)

The Secretive Posts

Look, if you do not want the world of Facebook to know the details, just private message the person. A typical secretive post:  “I had great time last night with an old friend.  You know who you are.”  If this is JUST for that person, why are you sending it to ALL of your friends?  Just text the person or send them a private message.  I am sure that would mean so much more to them.  The friend you went out with is probably saying to themselves “I saw her last night, but I wonder if she is talking about me.  She could’ve seen another old friend yesterday too.”  Do not be ambiguous.  Either say it or don’t.

Commenting on Political and Religious Posts

I am not advocating ending all political and religious posts.  I am simply advocating kindness and respect when your opinion differs from others that are posting.  I think it is better to avoid these posts all together—and I typically take the approach that if I agree I will say so but if I disagree, I will pass on posting.  (This may not always be the case, but I try to use this approach.) For the most part, I witness respect more than disrespect—but when the latter is evident—it can get ugly.  What is hard with Facebook is you can't read inflection or tone and things can easily be misinterpreted.  So this is just the Hill Street Blues mantra….be careful out there!   (Yes, I am old.  I just quoted Hill Street Blues. Look it up kids.)

 

Negative Posts

Okay, I truly hesitated with this one because I feel two faced.  I feel like this is a negative blog--and I really do not like to be negative.  I am talking about the posts similar to this: “People are so annoying, I just don’t think there are any nice people left.”  Just take a deep breath and reflect.  I am sure you meet more nice people during your day than annoying people.  I know I do.   People are good.  Life is good. 

 

So, there it is.  I hope you are not offended or put off—just my two cents.   Some of you are now typing your “Blog Police Enforcement Rules”.    I get it, I get it!  I just hope you are not all wondering, is she talking about me?  If you are, no it is definitely not you!!  Enjoy your day!

 

 

Hi Friend! Do you really want to post that?