Relationships--X's and Grass

Ex’s and Feelings

For those of you who spend valuable time in front of the tube watching “real” people make life changing decisions before your eyes—you’ll understand the genesis for this topic. Recently, on an episode of the edgy, artsy show we call “The Bachelorette” a bachelor discovered he still had feelings for his ex and could not continue on the show. (I believe this was revealed just prior to “the most dramatic rose ceremony yet”). So, here is the deal. Frank breaks up with Nicole (allegedly—because truth be told, I believe he had this all planned out ahead of time—but I will write my little story as if it happens as he says.) After the breakup, Frank decides to find his true love on the ABC hit show “The Bachelorette”. He is cast and meets Ally, our adorably cute bachelorette. Frank and Ally have instant chemistry. So much so, that Frank becomes quite whiny when he does not get to spend time with her. He already feels as if Ally is his girlfriend and hates that he has to share her with other potential lifetime partners. Frank makes it to the final three. After all, they are falling in love. Frank, who has been pining over Ally for weeks and could think only of Ally—suddenly remembers Nicole. His actual quote (almost actual—I’m not so invested to hit the rewind button on the DVR) “Falling in love with Ally, made me realize I still had feelings for Nicole.” WHAT? Okay Frank, you had me until that statement. WHAT? Falling in love with Ally made you realize you still had feelings with Nicole? That does not make one BIT of sense. I get having feelings for past love interests. I believe it is actually normal to have feelings for past love interests EVEN when you are in love with someone else--especially, if the break up was mutual without any dramatic stories worthy of “Cheaters.” (Seriously, I don’t even watch that show. I do have a line people!)

I will admit to having lingering feelings for ex’s. They may be feelings of disdain, disgust and bitterness, but feelings none the less! Just kidding!! My beef with his comment is—when you are in the midst of falling in love with someone (butterflies, daydreaming, the good type of anxiety, etc.) you are NOT remembering your feelings for your EX. That is actually when you are forgetting about your EX!!! (This is why I think Frank masterminded this whole scenario and Nicole was in on it. However, I remember my blog on benefit of the doubt—I will keep that in mind!)

So this scenario leads to another question… Is the Grass Greener…..?

Relationships are not easy. However, when things get rough, I’d like to remind you of the phrase: The grass is always greener on the other side. It seems lately I’ve known some friends who are curious about the grass on the other side. I think people wonder about the Kentucky Blue grass vs. Bermuda grass for a few reasons:
1) They wonder if they still have it. They look in the mirror and see someone they may not recognize. I know I do. A few extra pounds and wrinkles and you don’t believe the person in the mirror is still you. I’m not even saying you once thought you were great looking, but you just don’t look like the vision of “you” that is still in your head from your teens or twenties. I never used to hate having my picture taken, but now I do. Probably my biggest motivation for getting back into shape is seeing current pictures of myself. (Wow a big digression….) Anyways, my point is--for some, if they are in a situation and someone new flirts with them—it probably makes them feel pretty good. Or as Larry David might say….”preetttay, pretty, pretty good.” I think it is natural to enjoy a little flirting--but be careful. Your sig other may not “flirt” with you anymore, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. And let’s face it, after awhile the new person won’t flirt with you anymore either.
2) They are truly struggling in their marriage. It happens. People grow apart or sometimes life throws in too many distractions that keep a couple apart too often. Whatever the reason, I think it is worth working on the original relationship. Mr. or Ms. Flirty might look good right now, but after a few dates, more time together…that initial attraction may/will fizzle. Many relationships cannot be salvaged, and that is okay. There is no shame in that. People change and grow. I’m just saying; don’t give up years of a relationship for Mr./Ms. Flirty right away.
3) Of course there is always the “ego” reason—or more commonly known as “Tiger” complex. No need to delve into that reason.

So who knows? I’m just saying don’t be hasty. However, I do think you should be happy. I don’t think it is healthy to stay in a relationship that brings you down. I can only hope and pray that Frank is truly happy with Nicole. If not, I’m sure we’ll see him on Season 2 of The Bachelor Pad. (God help us if season 1 is a hit!)