Random Thoughts After a Heavy Week

Random Thoughts After a Heavy Week

I hate the phrase guns don’t kill people, people do.

I think this is the single most idiotic phrase of any of the debatable topics in history.  If you want to stand up and protect the 2^nd amendment there are many more intelligent arguments you can use.  This is NOT one of them.  Guns do actually kill people.  On the death certificate it will say “gunshot wound”.  It will not say “some person.”  Yes, a person uses a gun, but that gun makes it so much easier for that person to commit murder.  A gun is the only the weapon solely used for the purpose of injuring.  I also dislike the argument that criminals do not obey laws, so they will not obey gun laws.  Ugh, people, get a grip.  I bet many of your hardened, repetitive criminals today are not using legal guns.  Those people, we may never get under control. However, many murders are not caused by your typical criminals.  The one off shootings of passion or the mass murder shootings are not caused by your typical criminals—and these folks typically obtain their guns legally.

I believe in the basic principle of the 2^nd amendment.  However, when you start saying we are dishonoring our forefathers by limited the choice of guns available, you are delusional and only seeing your side of the story.  Our forefathers could not have envisioned the 21^st century that we are living in today.  End of story.  Some of them were quite visionary but they were not psychics. 

My last point on this issue:  Many people wonder why people are protecting the right to own assault weapons.  Their answer is “our government has them and the idea of the 2^nd amendment is to protect ourselves against a government that goes awry.”  I do have enough paranoia in me (or I’d like to think it is logical thinking based on 1000 years of history)  to believe there could come a day in our country’s future when we are torn apart and we enter into another civil war.  However, if I use the logic that I need to stock up on assault weapons because my government has them, I guess I should also be assembling nuclear weapons in my backyard.  We live in a different world than our forefathers lived in.  You cannot deny that.

I was very happy to see gun enthusiasts on twitter stand up and say, if it means we can prevent a another mass tragedy, I am willing to budge on the gun control issue.  It just bothers me when people dig their feet in so deep to any issue that cannot imagine anything but their own point of view. We do not have room in our lives for people unwilling to listen and potentially compromise.

This leads me to my next issue..

Cynicism and extremism is just a sad way to live your life.

On that horrible day of the Newtown tragedies, President Obama became emotional during his initial comments. Or did he?  I follow people on twitter that do not typically share my opinions because I BELIEVE we need to hear all opinions to reach a conclusion.  We need to keep our minds open. One right wing conservative I follow immediately tweeted after the speech that Obama faked tears to get the left riled up about gun control. I tweeted him and said it was shameful for him to already jump to that conclusion, today.  He replied to me and said it was shameful for Obama to fake tears and use this tragedy for his political motivations.  I thought to myself, what a sad way to live your life.  Even if you believed Obama's tears were not sincere, could you not wait a day or two to proclaim that? It was the day of the tragedy.  It just made me think, has this person shed a tear for this tragedy? Obama is a human being; I think most humans shed a tear that day.  He is a father; I think most fathers shed a tear that day.  If you did not shed a tear, I am not judging, but I am willing to bet you felt something.  I believe he was sincere.  My feelings were sincere, why would his not be?  I truly felt sad for this person that they were so cynical THAT day, all they could think about was the politics.   A few days later, I unfollowed the person. He just kept spitting venom.  It is one thing to share your opinion, but do not drag down others in doing so.  This example is just another of extremists in our country (on both sides of the aisle) that are doing more harm than good.  We are so polarized; we cannot take the time to be empathetic?  I just find it sad.

I am fine with Happy Holidays.

So many people are expressing their anger over people not saying “Merry Christmas” anymore.  You know what?  I am fine with "Happy Holidays. I say "Happy Holidays" when I do not know a person.  I say "Merry Christmas" when I know the person celebrates Christmas.  I think it would be obtuse of me to assume everyone celebrates the holiday I celebrate.  Why would I wish a Jewish person “Merry Christmas?”  We live in a wonderful country where we have the freedom to celebrate any holiday we would like to, what is wrong with saying “Happy Holidays” to strangers?  I do not think it has anything to do with being politically correct, I think it has to do with common sense.

Finding Joy

Well, these random thoughts have been heavy; I want to end on a happier note.  In times of sadness, surround yourself with things that make you happy.  Like most folks, I was in a fog all weekend, crying and feeling sad for all the families impacted by the tragedy.  I almost felt guilty when something made me smile.  I then realized, you need to find the things that make you smile.  I drove by the old one room schoolhouse in our town.  The parking lot was packed.  I remembered it was Meet Santa and Mrs. Claus day.  I was so full of joy to see a crowded parking lot.  All of those little innocent children going to visit Santa brought me joy.  I know it is hard when you think of the little ones who are not able to do that this year, but we have to hold all those little ones that are here close to our heart.

Here is a random item that made me happy today.  I was listening to a podcast with Mel Brooks today.  It made me happy to hear that he and Carl Reiner get together almost every day and do comedy bits together, Mel still visits with Sid Caesar every other week, and he has breakfast with his comedy writer friends every Friday.  All of these friendships he has now had for 50-70 years!  It made me happy to think of how true friendships endure over time. 

 

Last example, my dear friends from EHHS.  A classmate was impacted by the tragedy in Newtown, his sweet little grand niece was a victim.  Classmates from nearby and afar came together to show their support.  I always knew EHHS was special and I always had a great deal of pride regarding the town I grew up in, but this confirmed it.

As another year comes to an end, I am always thankful for my friendships that have existed for over 40 years and for those that are brand new.

Wishing everyone a peaceful holiday season.  And a Happy Birthday in heaven to my mom!

P.S. If you want to debate my issues on the gun control issue, please sign into this website.  Please do not post your opinions on my Facebook link.  I do not think Facebook is the place for friends to debate this issue.  I will delete any negative posts on FB.  I am happy for you to post any of your opinions on this site.

Swirl Girl's Favorite Things

I love Oprah's Favorite Things episode.  This year, she aired a 2 hour special that took us behind the scenes of favoritie things!  It was very cool!  Well, I'd like to share some of my favorite things with you.  I think some of them make great gifts for people!  Hopefully, it will help you as you shop this season.  These items are not in any particular order.

Harry Connick Jr. When My Heart Finds Christmas - this is my favorite Christmas CD. Harry mixes some fun, upbeat tunes with traditional classics.  I have given this CD as a gift many times!



BeautiControl Instant Manicure - this is one of the best beauty products out there!  It is a hand scrub that leaves your hands silky smooth.  I try to use it twice a day during the winter.  When I am good about using it--I never have dry hands or cuticles during the winter.  (If you'd like to try it--let me know--I can order it for you at a discount!)



The Body Shop Mango Body Butter - I have used this product for years.  I use it at least twice a day and it truly softens your skin!


"Can You Keep A Secret" by Sophie Kinsella -- I LOVE this book.  I have read it at least three times!  It is laugh out loud funny.  The book is not deep or try to solve world peace--it is simply a romantic comedy on pages. 



Smart Touch gloves by Isotoner - I just bought a pair of these last week and LOVE them.  You can keep your gloves on and use your touchscreen phone.



Unreal Chocolate Caramel Peanut Nougat Bars - Okay--they market it as "healthy" candy--I get it--there is no such thing!  However, these are yummy.  They claim there are no artificial ingredients, no preservatives, no GMOs, no hydrgenated oils and  no corn syrup.   So lets just say they might be a tad healthier than  a Snickers bar?  They are individually wrapped little squares--so it is just enough to quench that chocolate craving when needed.

Venus Disposable Razors--Once you go Venus--you can never go back. There is just something about a Venus razor that makes me pay a little more than I need to for a razor.  What I do love about Venus is that I can buy the "heads" to the disposables in bulk at Sam's Club.  I appreciate that they make replacable heads for their disposable razor.  Swirlgirl's guy also loves them. After I bought him a bulk package of Gillette men's razors--my shower razor was still disappearing to his sink.  He finally confessed he liked my razors better.



Naples Valley Brand Strawberry Pineapple Jam -  I order this jam by the case because it is the only brand I have found to combine these two flavors.  I discovered at a crafts many years ago and have been hooked ever since.  It is my favorite pairing with peanut or almond butter.



Barney's Almond Butter - speaking of almond butter--so far my favorite is Barney's.  I like the way it spreads and it is yummy. (Available at Whole Foods)



SpiBelt Running Belt - This is great for the walker/runner in your life.  This tiny little pouch wraps around your waist and holds your cell phone, license, money and even keys.  (Bulky key rings not so much but one or two keys, yes.)  This is available at Dick's Sporting Goods for $19.99.

 

Walking Food Tours of NY - This is a great gift to share with people.  You can buy gift certificates.  I have done the tour of Greenwhich Village, but I look forward to doing another location in NYC.  I have given my inlaws gift certificates 3 times--hopefully they are telling the truth when they say they enjoy it!!  The link to the site is below.
http://www.foodsofny.com/greenwichvillage.php

Bobby Brown Cream Eyeshadow - This is the reason I venture to Nordstroms.  This is the best eyeshadow I have ever used.  It is also a great base to use with powder eyeshadows.  I use "Heather". It is very neutral.  (the one on the far right in the picture.)



Sequence - I love games.  It was hard for me to choose one.  I chose one that (I think) appeals to everyone.  This is a fun game of strategy.



BeautiControl Lip Balm -  A product I use at least twice a day.  It truly protects the lips and wards of chapped lips. (Again, if you'd like to order, let me know.)




From The Earth To The Moon Box Set-- I love this series.  It is a great fictional depiction of the space program.


Maybelline XXL Collasal Mascara - I like this because it has the primer on one end and the mascara on the other.  I rarely use mascara, but when I do, this is my product of choice.



24 Cup Cupcake Pan - It is no secret that I love to bake.  Well, when I first saw this product, I thought to myself "OMG--why aren't all cupcake pans made like this!"  A cake mix makes 24 cupcakes, why have we been putting them in two different pans for so many years???!!!!

Pampered Chef Large Bar Pan - I use this pan for anything and everything.  However, the primary use for this pan is BROWNIES.  Many people seem to love the brownies I make in this pan. They ask me my secret.  Well, there is no secret, except for the pan.  It takes two boxes of your favorite mix.  (My other secret is I use "dark chocolate" mixes.  I do not like dark chocolate--but in a brownie mix--it is awesome!)  The brownies come out thick, chewy and delicious!


Mini Speaker for your iPod.  I am not even sure which brand I have, but it does look like this.  It is perfect when you want to amplify your iPod speaker a bit.  This is a mini speaker--it will not work for your next Rager.  (Yes, I just used the word Rager.)

Pumpkin Spice Eggos - Yes, I love them--all year round!




UGGS-- an annual favorite on Oprah's show.  I truly think UGGs are UGLY!!  However, they are so warm, cozy and easy to wear.  You are technically not supposed to wear socks with UGGS. That is why I love them.  You can just slip them on without trying to find a pair of matching socks in the house!  I know they are VERY expensive, however, they will last forever and will forever keep your feet toasty warm.  If you want to treat yourself, splurge a little on a pair.  Do not try the "imitations". Some of them are expensive too and they do not last as long.  I know many who have tried and then just bought the real thing.

Lastly, my most favorite thing:  A VACATION!  Specifically to Disneyland or Disneyworld!!


 I hope you enjoyed this list!  I am sure as soon as I post it, I will think of something I forgot!! (Please note:  not one cleaning product made this list!!!)

America: Take A Chill!

America, please take a chill!  So your guy lost.  Get over it.  If you have truly followed politics in the last 30 years, you should know that it does not matter who truly steps into the role of President.  Don’t get me wrong, I get it, leader of the free world, blah, blah, blah.  As a President, you have the house and senate to deal with—you are not making all the decisions by yourself.  The items that concern the American public on an everyday basis are not simply decided by the President.  However, on truly big issues, I think it does matter who fills those shoes.  For me, big issues include immediate threats to our country and natural disasters.  If you think the President is solely in control of gas prices, outsourcing jobs overseas, etc. you are delusional. Do they have an influence and impact? Yes.  I  believe 30 years ago they had more of an influence than they have today.  Today, they are dealing with two parties that absolutely refuse to get along and go out of their way to slander and demean each other.  Seriously, I’d rather deal with Regina George and the Plastics than the whining politicians of the Republican and Democratic parties.   I have said it before; I am unaffiliated for a reason.  I want to look at each candidate as an individual and I do not want to fit myself into a box. 

I’ll be honest, I typically vote for the Democratic presidential candidate.  However, there was one time since 1988 that I did vote for a Republican candidate.  (I wonder if you can guess which one. ) In 1988, I wanted Dukakis. I was a huge Dukakis fan!  In 2000, I wanted Gore. (Let us not forget, he won the popular vote!!)   I voted for Clinton too, but I don’t remember being as excited about him. I just wonder if the sting of Dukakis losing caused me to be cautious. 

When Dukakis lost, I did not rip Bush apart, call him names or vow to move to Canada.  I showed him the respect a President deserves.   I truly do not understand the “hate” people feel towards Obama.  I do not feel that type of hate towards anyone I know, let alone, someone I do not know personally.   I think everyone feeling that type of hate toward a man they do not know personally and towards a man who literally has the weight of the world on his shoulders should sit back and reevaluate their life. I am also speaking to those who felt such hatred towards George W. 

The worst part about the Obama haters is the ridiculous stories they cling to, for example:  he wasn’t born in this country and he is a Muslim.  First, my question is so what if he is a Muslim?  I thought I lived in a country where a person of any religion could be elected President. Secondly, if you are going to rip on him, don’t cling to urban legends.  Criticize his policy or practices. 

I am not the biggest Obama fan, but I do believe he has the best interests of our country in mind.  As I believe Romney did.  They just have different paths to achieve those goals.  I believe multiple paths can lead in the right direction.   I actually worry about those I consider “infatuated” with Obama.  Just as I do not understand the bitter hatred, I do not understand the blind love.  However, those that know me, know I do not like to put anyone on a pedestal.  We are all humans with strengths and weaknesses.   I think they are blinded by his charisma.  Look, I voted for him both times.  (Now you can figure out where I did not vote for a Democrat).  However, he has not had an effective or impactful four years.  Yes, I know he inherited a mess, but still, he does not have a lot to show for the last four years.  He brags about passing health care reform. Well, I truly disliked the way that happened.  He bullied his way to pass a plan quickly.  It is convoluted and complicated.  If you want true reform it has to be less than 1600 pages.  I cannot blame him for the 1600 pages; I have EVERY elected official to blame.  They play this game: well, I will vote for that if you include this, etc.  Politicians, chill, focus and think about your constituents, remember us? 

Okay, back to the infatuation factor.  I recognize he is charismatic and one of greatest orators of our time, but I want to see progress and vision.  I do not just want to hear about it.   I am infatuated with Seth Meyers and George Clooney, not the guy who has his hand on the red button.   (Remember the red button? Cold War flashback.)  I think the infatuation factor leads to people liking someone for the wrong reasons or blindly defending anything they do.  Instead of hatred and infatuation, we just need to keep an open mind.  Accept differences of opinion.  Show Tolerance.  Be kind. 

Romney fans, you know what really hurt his campaign? The right wing extremists known as the Tea Party.  I believe the Tea Party is the biggest threat to our country.  They are expanding the wedge between conservatives and liberals to the point we refuse to tolerate other ideas.  We cannot survive as a free country this way.  I truly worry for the future of our country if we cannot pull together.  Greater empires than ours have collapsed throughout history.   (I also think tying his dog to his roof didn’t help either.  I mean really, what was he thinking?) 

If Mitt ran against Barack in 2008, I may have voted for him.  I wanted Barack to run in 2012, I thought 2008 was too soon for him.  I wanted someone with business experience and Mitt does have that.  However, the Republicans gave us McCain/Palin.  Truthfully, I wanted Hillary in 2008, but that didn’t happen either.   I do not care that Mitt is rich.  Guess what?  Obama is pretty wealthy too.  Have you seen pictures of his house in the affluent Chicago suburb?  It is pretty nice.  Who cares how much money they have?  If I did not vote for Mitt because he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth it would be the same as not voting for someone based on their skin color or religion.  We need to learn to vote based on character, practice and policy.

Another big difference between the two is their views on gay marriage.  I fully support gay marriage, so you’d think Obama would be a no brainer for me.  Well, call me cynical, but one person has to be for it and one as to be against.  I believe Obama truly does support gay marriage, but I do not think he is going to do anything on a federal level to facilitate equality laws for gay marriage.

So, I have digressed from my original topic.  Romney supporters, get over it.  It is okay to express disappointment, but do not express hatred and resort to calling names like bullies do on the playground.  You have more class than that, don’t you?

(P.S.  Just think, the next presidential election cycle starts in 24 months!)

Songs and More Songs

So I spent the day thinking of music. I created a few Top 10 (or more) lists. See what you think. They are not definitive lists. I know I will turn on the radio tomorrow and hear a song and say "Oh, that should've made my list!" However, it was fun traveling down memory lane. Each songs holds a specific memory for me. I love that about music. Even if the memory is sad.. I tried to use songs from the last 30 years, however, there are a few "older"exceptions I could not resist.  Although they are numbered, they are not in order of importance.

Songs You Wish Someone Would Sing To You
1.  You're The Best Thing - The Style Council
2.  Walk Forever By My Side - The Alarm
3.  Wonderful - Adam Ant
4.  When The World Ends - Dave Matthews
5.  See The Sun - Black Lab
6.  All I Want Is You - U2
7.  In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
8.  Unchained Melody - Roy Orbison
9.  Til Kingdom Come - Coldplay
10. Flower - Amos Lee

“Romantic” Songs in Both the Traditional Sense and the Stalker Sense
1. Mr. Brightside- The Killers
2. Changing of The Guard – Style Council
3. Somebody – Depeche Mode
4. Can’t Help Falling in Love – Elvis/U2
5. Light Never Goes Out – The Smiths
6. Call and Answer – BareNaked Ladies
7. Falling Slowly – Glen Hansard/Marketa Irglova
8. Poison and Wine – The Civil Wars
9. Best I Ever Had – Vertical Horizon
10. More Than This – Roxy Music

Reflective Songs or Songs To Cry To
1. Somebody’s Crying – Chris Isaak
2. Fix You – Coldplay
3. Invisible – Alison Moyet
4. He Stopped Loving Her Today – George Jones
5. Could’ve Been Me – Billy Ray Cyrus
6. Creep - Radiohead
7. Midnight – Yaz
8. Fire and Rain – James Taylor
9. He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother – The Hollies
10. Sail On – The Commodores

Stress Relievers
1. Climb On – Shawn Colvin
2. Walk On – U2
3. Many Rivers to Cross – UB40
4. Free Falling – Tom Petty
5. Three Little Birds – Bob Marley
6. I Don’t Care Anymore - Phil Collins
7. Just Breath – Pearl Jam
8. Things Can Only Get Better – Howard Jones
9. Do They Know Its Christmas Time – Band Aid '
10. I Believe – Chris Isaak

Inspirational
1. Change – Fishbone
2. We Shall Be Free- Garth Brooks
3. Free Your Mind- En Vogue
4. Wouldn’t it Be Nice – Beach Boys
5. There Will Come A Day – Faith Hill
6. Here Comes The Sun – The Beatles
7. Shine Like it Does - INXS
8. Sign of the Times – Prince
9. Seasons of Love – Rent
10. Don’t Panic - Coldplay
11. Beautiful Day – U2
12. Answers to Nothing – Midge Ure

Music to PLAY LOUDLY
1. Your Love- Outfield
2. American Girl – Tom Petty
3. What Makes You Beautiful – One Direction
4. Play Guitar – John Mellancamp
5. Turn To You – Go Go’s
6. Good Thing - Fine Young Cannibals
7. Jesus Walks – Kanye West
8. Come Together – The Beatles
9. Levon – Elton John
10. Rosalita – Bruce Springsteen

Party/Fun Songs
1. Happy Hour – Housemartins
2. Party at Ground Zero - Fishbone
3. My Prerogative – Bobby Brown
4. No More Lies –Miche’le
5. Just a Friend – Biz Markie
6. Viva Las Vegas – Elvis
7. I Saw Her Standing There – The Beatles
8. Holiday – Green Day
9. Rock With You – Michael Jackson
10. Sydney – Brett Dennen

Just Plain Great Songs (that I could not fit above)
 I and Love and You – The Avett Brothers
The Cave – Mumford and Sons
Better Days – Goo Goo Dolls
Woman in Chains – Tears For Fears
God Only Knows – Beach Boys
 Lightening Crashes - Live
 If Everyone Cared – Nickelback
Brick - Ben Folds Five
Hallelujah – Jeff Bucley
Wonderwall – Oasis
Amazing – One Eskimo
Just Like Heaven – The Cure
Ain’t Even Done with the Night – John Mellancamp
Brian Wilson – BareNaked Ladies
 Forever Young – AlphaVille
 Not Ready to Make Nice – Dixie Chicks
 Drowning Man – U2
 Sowing the Seeds of Love – Tears for Fears
 Voices Carry – Til Tuesday
 Church – Lyle Lovett

What Mary Richards Meant to Me

Recently Mary Tyler Moore was honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Screen Actor's Guild. In my opinion, it was long overdue! Mary Tyler Moore is one of my "idols'. I actually really dislike that term and only use it sparingly. However, the characters she has played have had an influence on my life. Of course, I was too young when it originally aired, but I loved her as Laura Petry in the Dick Van Dyke show. I loved her clothes and the fact that she and Rob were equals in their household, which was rare for a show shot in the 60's. Of course, most of all I loved and adored Mary Richards.

Although I was only 5 when the Mary Tyler Moore show began—it is my all-time favorite show. My choice of favorite show has never wavered. However, I never realized the impact the show had on me until my wedding day. I’m sure I watched the show at 5 years old, but my memories of the show are from ages 8-12. I so wanted to grow up to be Mary Richards. I wanted the great job at a TV station, the fabulous clothers, the cool apartment with the big windows, the friend who lived upstairs, the dates she went on and I wanted my own “J” on my wall.

Mary Richards was an amazing role model for a young girl growing up in the 70’s. She was single, earning her own way and advancing in a profession she never intended to pursue. Of course, I always fantasized that I would throw a better party than Mary!
I remember sitting in the living room with my mom and dad watching the series finale. I cried during the group hug. It was a perfect ending. Later in life, I was grateful for Nick at Nite. I taped every episode during a MTM marathon. When I was stressed, anxious or feeling down—I plopped in a MTM tape into the VCR and all my cares drifted away. Watching an episode of that show is truly therapeutic for me. The comedy is timeless.


Flash forward to age 29 and it is my wedding day. The day was perfect, fun and filled with loved ones. My Maid of Honor hosted an after party post our reception. I suddenly started to feel panicked and stressed. I discreetly ducked into a bedroom to chill out. It finally hit me. I was sad because I realized I was NOT going to live Mary Richard’s life. Mary didn’t marry at 29. In fact, at 29 she was just moving to Minneapolis and twirling her hat into the air! She lived on her own in a great apartment. I was now married and knew learning about “mortgages” was in my near future. (Side note: I remember listening to all my married friends talk about mortgages when I was single and I swear it was like listening to the adults in a Charlie Brown episode! Ugh—I hated the word s points and escrow.)


Even though my wedding day was a happy one, I really felt like I was leaving a part of me behind, My new husband walked in to the room and asked what was wrong, I told him that I realized I am not going to be Mary Tyler Moore, He laughed. Some men may have taken offense, but he “got” it. I wasn’t regretting the marriage; I was saying goodbye to one part of a childhood dream.

"Being Proud Of......"

Words are funny. Some words mean different things to different people. Personally, I think the expression “I am proud of….” is overused. I am going to make some statements in this blog that may remind you of yourself. Don’t worry; I am not talking about you. I think I am talking about everyone, and I recognize that I am the odd man out on this issue.

I like words. I am a bit of geek about words. When my kids ask me what a certain word means, I tell them to look it up. I know the meaning, but I want them to read the meaning. Each word has its own nuance. I still look up words all of the time. The dictionary app is one of my favorites! I looked up the word “proud” in the dictionary. It did not help me clear this matter up in my head. The definition in the terms that I am referring to the word is : "feeling or showing pride as much pleased." Hmm..that definition might give me reason to pause. However, I will not pause….I still think the phrase is over used. Here are my thoughts:

Every day I see posts on Facebook with sentiments similar to the following:

“I am so proud of Tallelulah, she scored 3 baskets in her basketball game”
“Little Mikey scored 2 goals today in soccer, I am so proud of him.”
“Annabelle won 1st place at the talent show, I am so proud.”

Now that is where you might recognize yourself. Remember, you are normal, I am not. I am not judging anyone who has made these statements, I am simply telling you how I feel about “being proud of…”

I may be a horrible parent, but when my child scores a basket, gets a good grade or wins any type of prize, I do not feel proud of them. I feel happy for them. I am not proud of their achievements—I am happy for their achievements. I realize this is a subtle difference.

I’m not saying I could never be proud of an achievement. It will just take extra effort. I have a daughter who swims. Let’s say she was determined to take 4 seconds off of her 200 free. If she achieved this goal by attending double practices, asking for extra coaching on her starts and turns and watching swim instruction videos, I would be proud then. Wait, maybe not. Actually, I would not be proud of her time. I’d be happy for her time. I would be proud that she worked so hard to achieve a goal. Do you see the difference in my eyes?

I feel the same way about grades. There are some kids who naturally do well at school; yes they put in effort, but not crazy effort. Just like some athletes, they are gifted. So, if my daughter brings home good grades on a regular basis, I am happy for the grades. I am not proud of the grades. However, if she is struggling in a particular class or classes and takes extra initiative to increase her grade, then I would be proud of that effort.

One of my daughters’ enrolled in gymnastics as a young child. She was the only kid in the class that could not do a summersault. She was also the oldest child in the class. Her inability to tumble over deeply frustrated her. Finally, one day, during class she did it. I was so happy, my eyes swelled with tears. Upon reflection of that event, I was overjoyed for her. However, I don’t think I was proud of her for the achievement. For me, if she never learned how to summersault, it would not change who she is as a person. I am more concerned about her character than her achievements.

I am not a horrible mother. I am proud of my children. My pride simply has nothing to do with their achievements. My pride relates to their behavior and actions. If someone told me that my daughter stuck up for a friend that was being bullied, I would be proud of that. If an adult complimented my daughter on her work ethic during a project, I would be proud of that. If someone says my daughter is one of the nicest and most polite people they know—that would make me proud. I have felt this type of “pride” for my children many times.

So, this is distinction I make in mind. I do not know where it stems from or why I feel this way. Perhaps, I want them to understand when I am really proud vs. when I am simply happy or overjoyed.

Working Parents vs. Stay at Home Parents-- MYOB!

The topic on Anderson today is who has it harder--working parents or stay at home parents? Why do we debate this question all of the time? I believe the answer depends on the person. I do not think there is a clear cut answer to this question. What I dislike most about this question is: why are we always trying to prove we have it harder than the person standing next to us? We are all individuals with different capacities for working, nurturing, balancing, etc. We should simply be supporting each other.

I have my opinion on the subject that relates ONLY to me. I have been both a working parent and a stay at home parent. I worked full-time until my kids were in the middle of third grade. I know what the answer is for me. For me, staying at home is easier. Why? I found that juggling both worlds created a third element to deal with as a working mom. The juggling was worse than the working or the parenting as stand-alone “occupations”. I think everyone’s situation is different.

My husband and I both worked in Corporate America and we did not have “punch the clock” hours. There were many days we would call each other at 5pm to negotiate who could actually get home to relieve our day care provider. Whose workload or meeting trumped the other’s? We both travelled occasionally for work. Often, my travel involved travelling over the weekend. I never enjoyed missing my weekends at home. We were able to manage a rule we established—we could not be away at the same time.

I feel like I did a great job of balancing both worlds. I carefully managed my calendar so that I could be involved in my daughters’ school lives too. I was their Girl Scout leader. I blocked out my calendar and left early on the days of Girl Scout meetings. Of course, there were a few times that something came up and I would miss a Girl Scout meeting, but for the most part—I was at those meetings. I also volunteered in their classrooms. I was even a room mom one year while I was a full-time working mom. I hear some moms say how they cannot do this—and I do believe with some jobs this is true. However, for me, being involved was a priority for me. I used vacation days or ½ vacation days to volunteer for field trips or classroom parties, etc. For me, it was worth using vacation days to participate in their school activities.

I remember one day that I planned a day off to attend a presentation at the kids ‘school, an important meeting was rescheduled to this day. It was a meeting with one of my internal clients who was the Head of Pharmacy for our company, so he was a direct report to the President. These were the meetings that I usually let trump my volunteer activities. However, for some reason this time I just said I was not available. I believe the kids were going to be reading poems that had written. I felt the overwhelming guilt of “neglecting” my work responsibilities and was not sure I did the “right” thing. Well, when I saw my kids reciting their poems, a weight was lifted off my shoulder. I absolutely did the right thing. The big picture is an important one to keep your eye on. Seriously, a simple email updated me on what I missed at the meeting. I think we all overthink the “present” details without considering the greater perspective.

Even though I feel like I did a decent job of balancing both worlds, it was still a struggle. I noticed I was becoming snappier with the kids. It was hard to turn off a busy day at work, come home into the frenzy of cooking dinner, helping with homework and carpooling to all the activities.

We all have our priorities. My last priority in my life was keeping a clean house. Children, work and fun with family and friends all came ahead of cleaning. I also took vacation days from work to clean my house. I did not want to waste my weekend time with my family to clean. I finally started to realize I didn’t really want to be at work anymore. Fortunately, it came at time where there was a lot of change happening in my department—change I was not thrilled with. I secretly hoped to get laid off (actually, not so secretly) but I was assured that was not going to happen. My position was not suited for part-time, so I knew I had a big decision to make.

My husband and I discussed it and decided to bite the bullet. What I love most about our discussions it was all about quality of life vs. financial stability. I remember one of my former bosses and friend asked “did you do the math? Do you know you can live on one salary?” I earned a decent salary, and she knew that. So, taking that dollar amount away from the equation would have an impact. So, when she asked if we did the math, she was shocked when I said “no.” I am so glad we did not do the math. I think if you do the math on life decisions, you will never follow your gut or your heart. Of course the math is not going to work out. However, if you put yourself in a situation—you fight hard to make it work. We were fortunate that we were able to live on one salary.

The joke was I was quitting my job to clean my house. When I told my husband about the “math” question, he laughed and said “Yes, I did. My math is there will be less shoes in the foyer and papers on the dining room table.” (Ha, ha was he fooled!)

I will never forget my first summer as a stay at home mom. It was the best summer of my life. Hanging out with my children all summer was a true gift. We spent almost every day at the ‘town” pool. I decided that summer, if I was ever President I would make sure every American could take one summer off without any penalties.

I often wondered if I would become one of those parents in the commercials who rejoiced when school was back in session in September. I did not. Even after all of these years, I still dislike when summer comes to an end.

The one thing I struggled with the most as a stay at home mom was managing my time. I think we are all better at managing time when we have less time to manage. The first three months were very tough. I did not know what to do with myself, where to start on any project. It took some time to get into my groove. I still struggle with time management. Let’s face it. There is no excuse for my house not to be spotless. However, it is not spotless. The cleanliness of my house is still last on my list of priorities.

Do not get me wrong—I do not live in a pig sty—but I do not live in a pristine, dust free house either. Paper work still piles up on the dining room table, shoes are still in the foyer and my kitchen counter often has too many items on it. We will not even talk about my closet! Think about it, right now, I could be hanging up laundry, but I am writing this instead. For some reason, I like to tackle cleaning in one massive swoop vs. a little bit here and there.

After not working at all for about 20 months, some part time opportunities came up on a project basis from my former boss. I found this to be the best of both worlds. I could go to the pool all day and begin my work at 8pm if I wanted to. There were times I worked 30 hours per week and times I worked 3 hours per week. I found I liked the weeks that were around 15 hours the best. I still do work part-time, but it has been slower this year. There are some weeks I do not submit any hours. I am okay with that right now. I know that when my children graduate high school in 18 months, I will be pounding the pavement in hopes of returning to the workforce full-time. I am actually looking forward to it!

So, I just told you my story. My point is, we all have our own story. This worked for me and my family. It may not have worked for another mom. Let’s stop trying to prove who has it harder and just worry about our own lives or, better yet, support our friends instead of judging them!