Bullying

My heart breaks for the families of those who have lost loved ones to bullying. My heart especially breaks for those that are gone. Oh, if they just waited it out a few years—they would see that life does get better. I always say to people: this problem you are facing, whatever it is, is just a blip on the long life you are going to live. I know it is hard to see that when you are in the middle of your own crisis.

I truly feel that our internet, video game, reality TV shows culture has exacerbated the issue of bullying. The “bullies” are more desensitized and don’t understand consequences. I do not mean consequences to themselves—but to their victims.

I think our world of “disconnecting” from everyone, by that I mean our world of texting, email, social network communication, playing video games non-stop, etc. creates a wall between our “virtual” life and our “real” life. I think those born after 1993 have a hard time distinguishing between those lives. I think reality TV adds to this too because we see people exposing their personal and many times intimate moments for all to see. So, this generation thinks nothing of sharing personal, intimate, private moments. (Their own private moments or their friends’). Our society also rewards bad behavior. Hey—do something stupid—become a star! Get your own show—make lots of money! I’m just as caught up in new technology as a 13 year old girl. However, I have the benefit of growing up before the technology existed. I have “seen” how words and action hurt people.

I love Anderson Cooper and I rarely disagree with him. However, the other day he was speaking about the Rutgers suicide victim and the “bully” in that case. The roommate who so callously posted such an intimate moment on the internet may be facing “hate” crime charges. Anderson said someone who knew the person said he would’ve posted the video even if his roommate was with a woman. Anderson disagreed; he feels it was really because he was with a man. I think that could be true. However, I think our society has become so desensitized to privacy that the “jerk” of a roommate may have posted it even if it was with a woman. The sad thing about our culture is I definitely think he would’ve posted it if it was a woman who is considered a “less” desirable in our culture. He probably would think that is “funny” too. The other sad thing about our culture is that if he broadcast his roommate with the”hottest” girl on campus—the kid would’ve been a legend. That is sad.

I think bullies prey on any perceived vulnerability. I think there are those who pick on LGBT kids because their own values may think that is not appropriate—but I think for the most part—when they are bulling anyone—it has nothing to do with their belief system. It is because bullying gives them a sense of power. So, I’m not sure all these bullies are against LGBT kids—they just want to make themselves feel strong and powerful. It is their sad insecurities that foster their behavior. Bullies prey on anything not in the norm of our culture—maybe you are gay, maybe you’re overweight, maybe you do not wear the right labels, or you wear the same clothes every day, maybe you are too tall, too short, too smart, —whatever the vulnerability is—the bully will find it.

So, as adults and mentors—we need to do address two issues. Stop the bullies and build self-esteem in those that are bullied so that they can stand up to the bullies or at least not let the bullying hurt them so much so that they are taking their own lives. It is so senseless. We also need to teach our children not to be bystanders. Anderson made this point—he said he was never picked on—but he was a bystander. We need to teach our kids to not sit by and watch kids get bullied. They do not need to put themselves in danger, but they need to show the bullied kid support.

Many people say there is more bullying now, many say, no it has always been this bad. I think bullying has always existed however, with the internet, cell phones and other technology the level to which a victim can be humiliated is ten-fold.

I was picked on for developing too early. To this day I am self-conscious about that. I remember the first day I wore a bra during the 5th grade. My table partner, who was a 4th grade boy --Alan—pointed and shouted “She is wearing a bra!” I was mortified. From that day on, I always wore zippered sweatshirts and if I couldn’t, I always had my arms crossed in front of my chest. I tried to downplay it any way I could. I still do actually. If that was in today’s day and age, what if Alan had a cell phone and took a close up picture and sent it to everyone? Instead of 10 people hearing his exclamation—everyone would’ve known I was the first girl to wear a bra. The teasing continued for a few years. I won’t share the comments I heard all too often. Sounds like a trivial issue to most of you—but that was my vulnerability then. My point is....in the big picture of life being picked on for this is not a big deal..however...only the person being picked on can determine how big of a deal it is.

Again I digress, and I actually don’t know if I will keep that personal item in. (I know I should—but it is still embarrassing to me). We need to empower the children in our lives to be proud of whom they are and accept their differences. We need to let them know that differences during one period of their life become blessings during other periods of their lives.

Spread tolerance and most of all...spread kindness.