Activities Education, Family -Oh My!

WARNING! WARNING!!! This rambling is truly a rambling! I’m all over the place—so please forgive me now!!

Do I have a point or am I just becoming a curmudgeon? Here are some of the items I’m fired up about:

•The dismantling of the American family due to an increasing movement in our culture to push our kids to do more and more and more. Activities and educational demands are taking time away from the family unit.
•The increasing emphasis on rigor in our school systems vs. an emphasis on actual learning.
•High expectations of our youth

The American Family
Is it just me, or do you feel like true family unit time is dwindling due to running in eight million directions with your children, yourself, etc? I do. Also, this year, my kids have so much schoolwork, I feel like I never see them. The struggle I have is the forces that are causing the dismantling are all “positive” forces, so we just try to make the best of it! It boils down to activities AND education. Activities for children are very positive –they build social skills, keep kids busy, etc. Education—well we all know why an education is important.

In the 21st century—activities and education split up the family unit. Families are running in at least 3 different directions. I only have two kids, so we only run in 4 different directions. (Yes, parents have a life too—so you have to count their activities, be it for work or for fun.) I have friends running in 5, 6 and 7 different directions! As a family, you can control activities, but even with control and rules (e.g. one activity at a time), it still becomes crazy. I think part of it is because our nice little activities are becoming more and more demanding. For example, the “youth” cheerleaders in our town that cheer for “youth” football, were required to sign a contract this year. The contract stated that they will not miss more than 2 or 3 practices. These girls are as young as 10 years old. I understand the importance of “team” work and that in a sport like cheerleading with stunting—you need to have everyone there to maximize practice. However, life happens—kids get sick, kids have SCHOOL projects that take precedent over cheerleading and let us not forget…they are CHILDREN!!! I think the first contract I signed was my mortgage! This is just one minor example.

High school sports are a totally different story. I was a high school athlete. I was extremely competitive. However, my philosophy in all aspects of life is not to take yourself so seriously that you lose perspective of the bigger picture in life. I am so thankful my daughters do not play a winter sport. We spend at least four days out of state over the holidays visiting the in-laws. If my daughters played basketball, this would become an issue. You are required to attend practices during this time. I refuse to give up that family time for a high school sport. If my kids were playing Division 1 in college, I would get it. A college sport is the equivalent of having a job. A high school sport should not be. I also do not want to hear that you are preparing these kids for college sports. Let’s face it, only 10%, of the kids who play high school sports will play at some level in college(I suspect that statistic may be generous.) If a parent decides family comes first, the student athletes get punished for the decisions of their parents.

Education – Time and Rigor
I think you all understand the activity issue. Let’s move to education. I feel like an emphasis on “rigor” has replaced the emphasis on “learning.” I care more about my kids learning vs. how they learn or how hard they work to learn. Our school stresses the importance of taking AP classes. So my daughter chose to take AP History. She was so stressed out the first two weeks of school, I agreed to let her drop it. I believe if you are taking an AP course, it should be tougher than a non-AP course. However, I don’t think kids should be spending 10- 15 hours a week on homework for one class. I’m sorry, I don’t. I think kids should have down time. Everyone says, “well it is a college level course.” Do you know how much downtime you have in college? You only go to class for 15 hours a week. College students have a lot more time to manage! So, she dropped it—not because she wasn’t doing well (she wasn’t, but that was not my driver) she was just too stressed about it. I felt like it wasn’t worth it. Did I teach her the right thing by letting her drop it? I think so. I don’t think she is going to give up anytime things get stressful. I hope I gave her a lesson on perspective. I asked her if she felt at all like she was “quitting.” She said “Mom, I’m a 14 year old who was struggling with a college level course. No.”. I think that is a good perspective. I learned so much about history in high school. A shout out to Mr. Harvey and Mr. Dakin—who I thought were great teachers. I don’t remember ever stressing about their classes and I STILL remember everything I LEARNED. The AP class curriculum focuses on the AP exam. All schools want their students to do well on the AP exam—great for school statistics. I think anytime we are teaching to a specific test—we take the creativity out of learning.

This brings me to another point: tight curriculums. Districts now have curriculum specialists for each subject. The curriculum for each subject is specific. I think that is great—all children should learn the same information. However, I think we are taking the creativity out of teaching when the curriculum is so specific that projects and tests are the same across classes. I understand the purpose of this approach is to protect fairness. I’m all for fairness-but let us figure out a way to measure fairness while allowing teachers to be creative with their curriculum. (Don't get me started on teacher evaluations and unions, etc.)

I have a more recent beef with group projects. If a teacher is going to assign a group project—they should allow two weekends to get it done. Both of my girls received a group project that was assigned on a Wednesday and due the next Wednesday. Now, if you have kids involved in activities (approximately 50% of students in their school are involved in an everyday afterschool activity)—they can’t meet during the week. So, that leaves the weekend. All I can say is thank goodness we didn’t have a wedding or any other family obligation this weekend. They both met with their groups for 5 hours each and neither group finished the project in 5 hours. The project involved making a video—so if you have not dabbled in creating and editing videos—you have that learning curve to deal with. I have to say, after spending at a minimum of 7-9 hours on this project—I’ll be ticked if they do not get a good grade. Sometimes time and effort on a project like this should be worth something! One daughter was lucky to be in a group with someone who has editing experience. My other daughter was not that lucky. She took on the editing herself. She did a nice job for her first video, but I’m sure it is not as clean and stylish as others with more experience. If it was for a video class, that would be fine. It is for a Spanish class. Don’t get me wrong, I love the assignment, it is fun and creative. It is just difficult to manage the group timing with only one weekend involved. So, back to the original point of this blog. This project took approximately 7-8 weekend hours away from our life as a family. (Truthfully, it took longer for the beginner editor.)

I think teachers assume kids, especially teenagers, have complete control over the life. Sorry, but as a parent, I still have control. They still rely on me to drive them to a friend’s house to work on a project or they need me to offer our house as the place to work on the project. It takes the entire family (and usually a village) to make the family unit work. One teacher said, “you all have Tuesday off from school, so you also have time them.” Well, yes, many schools have Election Day off, but most parents do not have Election Day off. This makes it difficult for the student who has two working parents and you live in a town too big to walk to your friend’s house.

Now back to rigor and learning. I feel like there is a desire to just make students jump through hoops because “we” think it builds character and teaches great study habits. I do not necessarily subscribe to this theory. I think a focus on rigor makes students rush to get all of their work done to just get it done. They study for a test or research a project and then poof it is gone from their head when the class is completed. As someone pointed out, quantity does not equal quality! Of course, I do not have any studies to support my theories. It is all observational and anecdotal. I’m sure I could find statistics to support MY theory; however, I’m also confident if you disagree with me, you could find statistics to support YOUR theory. For all you teachers out there—I’m not blaming you. I think parents are to blame too. I don’t know what it is about our generation, but they it seems like everyone thinks their kids should be going to an Ivy League school. I’ve mentioned this in previous blogs how I think “we” as parents can be a CRAZY. (Read “My Quest to Raise Achievers” my blog from February.)

I’d also like to see more of a focus on critical thinking skills. Class discussion is a great tool for critical thinking. Essays are a great tool for critical thinking. I do not think kids have the critical thinking skills we acquired as students. I love the phrase “stepping over dollars to get to dimes” when it comes to running a business or personal money management. I’d like to find an equivalent analogy for our educational system. I think this is what we are doing sometimes. (It is similar to thinking that banning toys from Happy Meals will actually help childhood obesity! Let’s find “a” solution vs. finding the “right” solution.)

I know many people subscribe to the theory that we need to be tougher on our kids so that when they are in the “real” world they can keep up with the worldwide market. I debated with a friend who believes school should be year round. Seriously? Ugh, I think I’d have to home school if it came to that. It is such a natural reaction to do what others are doing because it works for them, instead of thinking creatively to make things work within your own boundaries. (Also, if you think of a true balance in life--is it really working for "them".) Let our kids be kids. Hey adults: is our world so wonderful that we want the kids to join it earlier? NO!!! Let them have this wonderful time in their life. Give them the gift of time, the gift of learning form mistakes, the gift of family!

I've said it before, and I will say it again...I want my kids to have a happy, balanced life. Is that too much to ask?