"Being Proud Of......"

Words are funny. Some words mean different things to different people. Personally, I think the expression “I am proud of….” is overused. I am going to make some statements in this blog that may remind you of yourself. Don’t worry; I am not talking about you. I think I am talking about everyone, and I recognize that I am the odd man out on this issue.

I like words. I am a bit of geek about words. When my kids ask me what a certain word means, I tell them to look it up. I know the meaning, but I want them to read the meaning. Each word has its own nuance. I still look up words all of the time. The dictionary app is one of my favorites! I looked up the word “proud” in the dictionary. It did not help me clear this matter up in my head. The definition in the terms that I am referring to the word is : "feeling or showing pride as much pleased." Hmm..that definition might give me reason to pause. However, I will not pause….I still think the phrase is over used. Here are my thoughts:

Every day I see posts on Facebook with sentiments similar to the following:

“I am so proud of Tallelulah, she scored 3 baskets in her basketball game”
“Little Mikey scored 2 goals today in soccer, I am so proud of him.”
“Annabelle won 1st place at the talent show, I am so proud.”

Now that is where you might recognize yourself. Remember, you are normal, I am not. I am not judging anyone who has made these statements, I am simply telling you how I feel about “being proud of…”

I may be a horrible parent, but when my child scores a basket, gets a good grade or wins any type of prize, I do not feel proud of them. I feel happy for them. I am not proud of their achievements—I am happy for their achievements. I realize this is a subtle difference.

I’m not saying I could never be proud of an achievement. It will just take extra effort. I have a daughter who swims. Let’s say she was determined to take 4 seconds off of her 200 free. If she achieved this goal by attending double practices, asking for extra coaching on her starts and turns and watching swim instruction videos, I would be proud then. Wait, maybe not. Actually, I would not be proud of her time. I’d be happy for her time. I would be proud that she worked so hard to achieve a goal. Do you see the difference in my eyes?

I feel the same way about grades. There are some kids who naturally do well at school; yes they put in effort, but not crazy effort. Just like some athletes, they are gifted. So, if my daughter brings home good grades on a regular basis, I am happy for the grades. I am not proud of the grades. However, if she is struggling in a particular class or classes and takes extra initiative to increase her grade, then I would be proud of that effort.

One of my daughters’ enrolled in gymnastics as a young child. She was the only kid in the class that could not do a summersault. She was also the oldest child in the class. Her inability to tumble over deeply frustrated her. Finally, one day, during class she did it. I was so happy, my eyes swelled with tears. Upon reflection of that event, I was overjoyed for her. However, I don’t think I was proud of her for the achievement. For me, if she never learned how to summersault, it would not change who she is as a person. I am more concerned about her character than her achievements.

I am not a horrible mother. I am proud of my children. My pride simply has nothing to do with their achievements. My pride relates to their behavior and actions. If someone told me that my daughter stuck up for a friend that was being bullied, I would be proud of that. If an adult complimented my daughter on her work ethic during a project, I would be proud of that. If someone says my daughter is one of the nicest and most polite people they know—that would make me proud. I have felt this type of “pride” for my children many times.

So, this is distinction I make in mind. I do not know where it stems from or why I feel this way. Perhaps, I want them to understand when I am really proud vs. when I am simply happy or overjoyed.